☼ Spring Time ☼

Oh yesterday was so nice outside. I got a ton done and feel good about it. Made breakfast, cleaned up the water all over my bathroom, laundry done, cleaned out the rest of my fat clothes in my closet, made beds, got dressed, toilets, counters, dishes, swept and mopped floors, had lunch with Grammy, and went grocery shopping.

It was our first "real" day of ☼ spring ☼ so far. Amazing what you get done when the sun shines bright. And what you see when the sun comes out. Meaning my house is way more dirty in the sun light. I have so much I want to do outside. The weeds are happy and growing well, the car is dirty and I want to get some things planted. But I also need the sun to come out so I can feel my fingers while being busy out there. It's going to rain the next 2 days but this weekend it's going to be in the 60's....I can't wait. I even saw a hummingbird yesterday flying around. He was flying around telling me "spring is here, spring is here". LOL We also have a creek that runs through our property and the frogs are very happy this year and croaking loud. I love hearing the frogs talk in the morning and the evening. Sometimes they are so loud. I love the noise they make. I hear frogs and crickets here at my house and never sirens or cars. I love living in the country!

We woke Monday morning to no water. Ug Never buy a manufactured home! We bought one against our better judgement. We wanted property and could not afford the land and a stick build home. So we have a manufactured home and 4 acres here. Nice to look at but just DON'T buy one. Anyway, this is not the first time D has had to fix the pipes and the hot water heater. We got that mess cleaned up and now I have 2 fans running full time in the bathroom drying out the closet and bathroom floor and carpet. I also went through my closet again yesterday getting rid of the last of my FAT clothes. Think that's it...there are no more size 24's in my house, only size 6, smalls and mediums. Not a coat, pants, shirts...nothing. I really am amazed how 'tiny' I ended up. I look at myself and can't believe I'm this small. My butt, my shoulders, legs and all. I love it! But I am still in Aww. I always new I was meant to be small and I was not "big boned" like I told myself. My fingers and wrists have always been small. My whole life that has been the only small part of me. LOL

Derrel and I went to the valley on Sunday while Jonathan was at work for a quick trip to Home Depot. Can you believe I have to travel 65 miles one way to get to a Home Depot? Gotta love Home Depot, so we do travel. The prices and savings compared to our local hardware store are crazy. We still save $ even having to travel. And it's a good reason to go to Baha Fresh! :) Susy ♥ Baha Fresh! And again the closest Baha Fresh is 65 miles away. Anyway, we went to Home Depot and 2 more 2nd hand stores while in town. I scored 2 more shirts for less then 10 bucks. I ♥ shopping!

So that's was my Monday.

☼Come on Sunshine!☼

spring break 09

Glad that over. Rough week- long story. We didn't go anywhere for spring break. Wanted to but things needed to be done around the farm and were also kind of broke. Sticking close to home and renting movies and such. We (well not me, it was too cold) OK- the men planted 1000 dracaena cuttings that came in on the truck on Wed. We HAD a bunch of these plants that were going on there 4th year. Every year they are worth more money as they age and get bigger. We had such a hard, cold, snowy winter that we lost all our dracaena plants this winter. So sad. These dracaena usually come in the middle of your color bowl you buy at the stores. They come as a center piece usually. But if you love them and put them into the ground and manicure them you get this big tree that has a look of a palm tree. Our insurance policy does not cover that kind of loss so we replanted and started over.

Jonathan had a great time working at the aquarium on Thursday. He got to mix up tons of fish and pre-pair the sea bird fish food. He said "his arms were in all kinds of fish blood". He cleaned the kitchen and then got to go to the aviary and feed the sea birds. The biologist said "a lot of times the birds won't feed from a stranger", but they did take the fish from Jonathan. He loved that part of the job. Then they counted all the sea birds. How do you count flapping, fluttering birds? They also found one sea bird that was hurt so they had to catch him with a net. And once the net comes out the birds "freak" Jonathan said. Oh no...not the net. The tag around his leg that has the bird # on it had swollen around his leg. They took him to the vet and he won't lose his leg as they found it in time. But ya...he loved it!

Monday was a shitty day but I've already blogged about that. Also Monday we went looking for some sort of track shoes for Jonathan as track starts this next week. We went to several 2nd hand stores trying to find a shoes that works for him for the short track season. We searched, and searched. Well at one Goodwill we found one pair of shoes that fit him. Even at Goodwill they wanted $40 bucks for a used pair of shoes. I was pissed. Having a bad day anyway and I was at Goodwill cause I can't afford a pair of $80 track shoes that he will grow out of in 3 months and wear 12 times. Then to be slapped in the face with a over priced pair of used shoes @ Goodwill made me mad. I'm at Goodwill cause I can't afford to go to the mall and I still can't afford them even at Goodwill. Grr Jonathan and I went to Fred Myers the other day after work and found a pair on clearance for him. So he is set!

We tried several times this week to get to a early movie. We finally did get to go see the movie KNOWING yesterday. It was a good movie. One you should see on the big screen for sure. Then we went for lunch. That was our spring break. A movie and lunch. So yesterday we left Rufus home. Rufus usually goes every place with us no matter what. He does not like to stay home, not one bit. We left him home yesterday as we knew the movie was 2+ hours and then lunch. Well it does not pay to leave him home alone. Poor doggie jumped on Derrels computer desk, then the chair moved with the jump and when we came home he was standing on Derrels desk, key board on the floor and he was so sad. So the 2 times we have left the dog home he has got trapped both times. And also in things I would never imagine. Once we came home and he was in the hamper and couldn't get out. Silly doggie! At least if he is with us we know is safe and not in the hamper or stuck on a desk.

Well guess that's my week in a short story. Still raining here in Oregon. Lordy...if I don't get some sunshine soon I'm going to POP. Please someone send spring.

weight- 148! Doing the happy dance. In May of this year I will have maintained my weight of 150ish for one year. Great news!

i get it...

Nothing much going on...It's Oregon's spring break this week. The kid is home and bored. Jonathan works this week with the aquarium doing a job shadow with one of the marine biologist in the aviary (birds) department. He goes tomorrow morning at 7am to clean, wash, feed and love all the sea birds there. After that he goes to the education room to ask any questions he wants to ask the biologist. Kind of cool! I'm proud of him.

I had a shitty day on Monday. With out writing a novel, let's just say I feel hurt, sad and disappointed. I have come to understand this week that I can't change people and I expected more from them. I get it, I got it and I don't understand but will deal with it. I've heard this week-"life is busy", "we were to busy", "we can't", "we don't anyone" and "we do love you". I wonder sometimes if I've had a lot more losses in my life at such a young age and that's why maybe "i get it" and want to be close to family. Each and everyone of them is too busy every day between Easter and Christmas to be involved. I guess the people I feel closest to me feel like they are not missing anything, and these are my feelings. Then the anger sets in, then the tears. I just wish my son had grand parents, aunts, uncles that were a regular part of everyday life. I wish family wanted to get to know Jonathan, but they don't really and that saddens me. I have such great memories with my grandma & grandpa and aunt, uncles and family. I had such a loving childhood and felt very loved growing up by all of them. And I wish my son had the same- that's all- p.e.r.i.o.d! My family is small and I wish they understood that and I just love all of them (not just on holidays). :( I was told this week I need to get off my "pity party". OK- heard you-got it-i get it. I expected too much I guess and I know that now. For me life is too short to regret. Too short to miss out on. I'm really not on a pity party...this is about family, my son and I counted on all of them and not just 2 times a year. There feelings are not mine and that is OK-i get it. All in all I understand we were raised different and come from different family's= hence the debate, frustration, disappointment and the tears.

So today it's ☂pouring☂ again. When O' when will ☼spring☼ come to Oregon. Thinking maybe a movie this afternoon. I would love to go see the new Nicholas Cage movie the "Knowing". http://www.catheatres.com/MovieDetails.asp?MovieID=712&TheatreID=12

Job

I'm excited...doing a little dance!

Went to the farmers markets annual meeting that gets together before the market fires up May 9th. I got to see my friend Anja and it's official- i got my job back! She asked me if I wanted the job back a few weeks ago, but it's official now. I have been hoping for weeks that she would want me back if she could afford too. It's a family business and I was unsure if she needed my help again this season. I was sure hoping she would ask, but also understood if she couldn't. But she wants me to sell, and I'm happy she does! Her and her hubby make homemade dog treats. PB, cheese, chicken and bacon treats. I love selling her homemade dog bones. I get to spend my day making doggies happy and chatting with folks and taking there money for her. Yeah, I have some sort of job to call my own again, and that puts a smile on my face. It's a start in this economy and I am thankful she wanted me to sell her product again and thankful for the pay.

Derrel and I will also be setting up again at the local farmers market. D and S Greenhouses will be selling cedar planters, planter benches, trellises and plants along with other items. The list is too long and he has got some new ideas for this year. So if I have to be there anyway...I might as well work to make some extra money. And this is "sure" money as there has been weeks at the market that has gone "bust, broke, nada, nothing, no sales". So yeah...I got my job back!

Family Letter...

I found this letter in my computer hiding in My Documents. 2+ years ago one of my requirements for surgery was to have my support person write a letter to my surgeon. Of course my support is my husband. This is a letter to Dr. Rutledge from my husband dated in January 2007. I remember reading this 2 years ago and I just cried and cried. Derrel hit everything dead on. He wrote everything I didn't want to feel anymore. He never said these words out loud as he loves me. But he could see what I was feeling all these years. I didn't even want him to see that or share that pain with him, but obviously he saw. This was such a hard letter for him to write. Trying to explain to the Dr. how you feel, without hurting the one you love. I think he did great. I wonder how he feels now if he were to put it on paper now? Maybe I'll ask him to do that for me. :)

Life has sure changed.

I don't feel such sadness, pain, guilt, and pity as before. I feel lucky to have been given a chance to make myself proud. It's hard to explain...something has been lifted and this letter brings it all back. At 39 I was scared to get old and feared the health problems I would suffer if I stayed obese 10 or 20 more years. I was only going to get fatter = more pain= less movement= depression= sadness= not a happy life. I have never know anything different. NEVER! I've lived my whole life in this FAT body and I've wanted out for a long, long time. I had thought about gastric bypass a long time before I found the courage to follow through. I was tired of standing aside in pain. I've missed out on boyfriends, going out, proms, dances, hikes, sports, rafting trips...whatever. Life has passed me by for sure while I watched. Many, many things. Either because I was scared or just couldn't due to my weight. And if I did participate- I felt embarrassed, ashamed or judged a good part of the time. I did not want to be noticed. Doesn't mean life was never happy...because it was. These things are my feelings, in my heart, my mind and my life. It's tough when you can't get fit into that roller coaster or can't get into Wal mart because it's so frickin big. I understand! That's me! Now I'm just a a fat girl living life in a strange unfamiliar skinny body. (Which in it's self need it's own post/blog.) My weight carried so much more than fat for me. And now 2 years later it's time to reflect back and learn...but never forget. So I will share this story with you from my hubby to my Dr. :)

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Good morning,

My name is Derrel, the husband of Susan. We have been together as soul mates for over a dozen years, 5 years of which we have been married. Being married has definitely been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love Susy with all my heart and I want the best for her. I have watched Susy through the years and seen her struggle with her weight as it would constantly goes up and down. She has tried many diets and has been successful in weight loss, but the weight always seems to come back on for her. I married Susy for her heart, not what she weighs. I consider Susy to be very outgoing in the comfort of her own home. When she gets out in the world she becomes very withdrawn and uncomfortable. She tends to stand on the sideline and it seems, she doesn't want to be noticed. I tell her all the time to be comfortable with her own skin, but I know "in her eyes" everybody just sees her as the fat chick. It really brings sadness to her, our relationship and even has an effect on motherhood. I can think of many, many times we have had to cancel a hike, give up on taking long walks, or even something as simple as a shopping trip needs to be cut short because of the pain that this excess weight brings upon her. Susy works part time at a local video store and takes great pride in her work. I am very proud of her accomplishments there, she loves her job, but not the extra pain it causes her. She is forced to stand 8 or 9 hours a day on a concrete floor without any breaks. Sometimes I will talk to her on the phone at work and hear the pain in her voice. There have been many times that I have wiped her tears away after 2 or 3 days in a row on that concrete floor. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes.

Several months ago Susy heard about something called Mini Gastric Bypass surgery. Her sister in law and brother has been patients of Dr. Rutledge’s in the past 15 months also. I have been a hard sell when it comes to things like surgery as an answer to an obesity issue. I have always felt that the risk out weighs the benefits. Susy and I have been researching MGB surgery and the benefits it would have for her. I am amazed at the low risk and how non-invasive this procedure actually is. I realize there is a certain amount of risk with any operation but I also must consider her father dying of congestive heart failure in his fifties and also her mother dying from breast cancer at age 56. I understand this will be a permanent commitment for her that will last the rest of her life. We have spent hours talking about it and have read for many hours of info on the procedure as well as many testimonials. Susy has spent the last 3 months working on her time off on the “packet” for Dr. Rutledge. Us together have spent many hours reading the manual together and learning together. I will support Susy in whatever she feels to be best for her future. What’s important is that she has a long and healthy future. And we can spend that future together healthy and happy.

I have never written a letter that felt so right. If there were ever a perfect candidate for this surgery, you have one with Susy. She would follow your instructions to the letter and I'm positive that Susy, our son and myself would be thankful for the rest of our lives. Please consider her for Mini Gastric Bypass surgery. I am positive that this is the best thing for her and I’m sure that it will make me much more health conscience in my future as well.

Peep show...

☺ he he...

made me giggle so I posted it.

Get it? ☺

Cow Traffic Jam...

On my way home from town today, guess what we see...

We see this traffic jam when we come around the corner. Here's our funny little video we shot of the cow traffic jam today on our way home.

Complications...

A long time blog I read had this blog topic that has got me thinking. I agree with a lot of what she wrote. But also had a thought or two myself. So I thought I'd write...

She wrote a blog on complications after having WLS. We are all different, we all have different complications after having our guts re-arranged and then there are others that don't have any complications at all. You have to understand what could be when having WLS. The changes you have to do forever. I myself feel pretty lucky overall to be healthy and yet to have many complications. And the complications I do have I believe are self induced. Not on purpose- but the foods I was choosing were making my blood sugar crash from time to time. I was also seeing I was avoiding trying to eat, which in fact my body got pissed. Last summer I was having troubles with my blood sugar dropping way to low. It happens to me when I'd eat just carbs or sugary foods. My eyes get funny, I get VERY sweaty, shaky and I feel like crap. It's a lot like dumping but I'm not over the toilet or curled up in bed, but all the other symptoms are the same sort of. I did talk to my Dr. and he told me "you need to learn to eat every 2 to 3 hours even if it's a snack or something". He told me "you have to remember what you did to your body and take care of it and treat it as such". Now my whole life I tried to avoid eating through endless dieting, so that seems wrong in a way. When I look back I was bring breads, chips and other carbs back into my life and that's when I started seeing patterns of "crashes". I still had some learning to do. Today I still have low blood sugar from time to time, but I know it's all about the food I just ate or didn't eat. I try to think about my food and keep my foods balanced. And I when I do that I feel fine. But the Dr. was right...it's about the food I was eating and also not eating. I always eat my protein first. Usually that is enough to fill me. I no longer need a lot of side foods like chips, fries, big salads and such to fill me. But I know if I sit there and eat more carbs then protein I WILL"crash" within 2 hours. It still happens from time to time these days. I never leave the house without some kind of snack that works for me. You can't just run into 7 eleven and grab a protein bar or something healthy, so I always bring it along now. When on a longer road trip I bring my cold pack with maybe a 1/2 ham sandwich and apples or grapes and protein bars for snacks now. When I feel my blood sugar dropping I make one of my whey protein drinks with soy milk or eat one of my South Beach PB protein bars. For me they have the right amount of sugar that brings me out of it and does not make me crash later by giving me too much sugar. They also only have 140 calories. I never leave the house without one in my purse.

If I had to sum it up: I guess for me being obese for the rest of my days and the health problems I knew I would suffer from out weighed any complications from surgery that may occur in my future.


Dawn's blog:
http://diminishingdawn.blogspot.com/

Fifty stupid questions...

50 things u have never been asked...

1, What color is your toothbrush?
always a girl color. cause i've used my hubbys toothbrush. Ew So now I pick out a bright girl color so I don't do that again.

2, Name one person who made you smile today.
my doggie...got kisses @ 5am this morning.

3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
It’s not 8am yet. But I’ll be in the shower and then taking my son to work at the aquarium.

4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
sitting on the couch surfing.

5, What is your favorite candy bar?
Just candy.

6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
No, but I would.

7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
Ug, when I got up and looked at the mess in the sink when I woke.

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate and PB

9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
OJ yogurt protein drink

10, Do you like your wallet?
Yes, it’s pink!

11, What was the last thing you ate?
Pizza, last night

12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Sadly... NO.

13, The last sporting event you watched?
I’m sure NBA. I live with a NBA junkie. (my son)

14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
butter

15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too?
I don't text

16, Ever go camping?
YES

17, Do you take vitamins daily?
Everyday!

18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
no

19, Do you have a tan?
LOL-No

20,Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
Yes- Mm Chinese

21, Do you drink your soda with a straw?
I don’t drink soda.

22, What did your last text message say?
I don't text

23, What are you doing tomorrow?
Hell if I know.

25, Look to your left, what do you see?
lamp

26, What color is your watch?
i don't wear a watch

27, What do you think of when you hear Australia?
I wanna go

28, What is your birthstone?
I don’t know, but I do know I don’t like it.

29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
We don’t do fast food. Subway count? Then always go in!

30. What is your favorite number?
?

31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
My hubby

32, Any plans today?
Take Jon to work, clean, and maybe visit Derrel’s mommy.

33, How many states have you lived in?
3- Oregon, Idaho, Missouri, and back to Oregon.

34, Biggest annoyance right now?
Money and bills.

35, Last song listened to?
The Fly’s- Got you where I want you. We listened to music last night while playing Wii family games.

36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
LOL -No.

37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
Sure. Are you crazy. OK I wish. But NO

38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
Crocs

39, Are you jealous of anyone?
Not really.

40, Is anyone jealous of you?
Could be?

41, Do you love anyone?
Duh, Yes!

42, Do any of your friends have children?
Most of them do

43, What do you usually do during the day?
Clean house, do errands, surf…I need a job.

44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Yes.

45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Yes, I like being nice to people.

46, What color is your car?
Ugly red. Not even red. Burgundy

47, Do you like cats?
YES! I have a cat-dog. Love kitty's!

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
Not really.

49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yes. I want to go back.

50, How did you get your worst scar?
I don’t really have any bad scar’s except one I can see from having my innards rearranged.

Cookie blog. Ouch my back, oh my...

Well yesterday's blog got me a few comments. I think I must of sounded a lot more bummed then I really was yesterday morning when I blogged about those stupid cookies. But I hear you guys...You must of read something between the lines and thanks for keeping me straight and being my blogger friends. But yesterday I was not freaked out. I knew I have not been over indulging in non healthy foods and had no reason to be mad at myself. I knew it was just a bad scale day. 2 cookies is not over indulging. In fact I was down almost a pound again this morning. Anyway, thanks for checking in with me and keeping me real. I was just surprised at the comments and how negative I didn't think I sounded, but I must have.

Well yesterday morning while making the bed I strained my back. How the hell do you strain your back while making a bed????? But I did. I couldn't stand up straight all day long or move much. Ug I looked like a hunchback walking around yesterday. I have not done this to my back since my physical therapy a year plus ago. When my hip was all screwed up and out of place it would throw my back into spasms. Yesterday I did sucked it up and did not take anything for the pain. I feel asleep after lunch because I didn't not want to move. I slept for more than a hour and slept hard. Before bed I did suck on a children's Tylenol melt away for some relief. Since I don't take any pain medication the children's med really work when needed. This morning my back has relaxed some and I'm sitting here on my heating pad watching the news and blogging. After my morning OJ yogurt drink I will stretch to help it some more.

No real plans for the weekend for us. It's back to raining again here in Oregon today. We had 2 days of pretty nice weather. The last few days have been nice from inside the house through the window. Still kind of cold to the skin, but the sun was shinning bright and felt great coming though the windows. I was even able to open a few doors and let some fresh air in. But now it's just wet out there. Jonathan works at the local aquarium again tomorrow. He is still volunteering and doing the youth volunteering work experience program on Sundays for 8 hours. In fact he likes it so much for spring break he signed up to job shadow one of the marine biologist in the bird area. So that's really cool he is liking it. And I'm proud of him for giving his time away. He also plans of doing some kind of volunteering there again this summer.

aquarium website:

http://www.aquarium.org/

So that's it......

Cookies, cookies, cookies...

♫ C is for cookie....i knew I shouldn't of had a cookie. I try really hard not to have that extra treat if my scale is in the 150's for the week. I did not listen to that rule yesterday and as always if I indulge at all my scale goes up. So this blog keeps me honest and accountable so that's why I share. Good thing I had salad for lunch yesterday cause those were some heavy cookies according to my scale. LOL How do 2 cookies put 1.2 pounds on you? But you never know...the scale can be strange some days. I can go down a pound or more each day just as easy sometimes.

Yesterday- 151.8

Today 153.0

I should of said NO! For me 153 is my DANGER zone, my STOP sign.

I should of listened to my rule...shit, shoot, no, not going there, you knew better, bad Susy, fuck!

♫ C is for cookie and it doesn't love me. ♫

♫ W is for water....and it's good enough for me. ♫

Darn cookies anyway...

Friends/Family...do they treat you different?

So do people treat you different since you have lost the weight? How about your friends and family? I have a pretty small circle of friends and family. Most of my family has passed away and friends are hard to find. I'm am lucky to have one best friend that I can trust with anything. For the other people in my life, well lets just say some relationships have changed. Some still treat me the same, some give me great support, some people avoid me and other have said borderline "rude" comments. It's kind of hard to explain. I feel like the same person inside where it counts even though I know I am different now in some parts of my life. I have a few that treat me just like "Susy". I'm no different and those relationships are the same. For that I am grateful. Those few are my true friends and except me for me no matter what. Others have stopped calling, stopped talking to me, stopped supporting me and have just slipped away into there big important world. I wonder why??? I mean there is a lot more to me than my weight and I for one would love to share my life and family with them but... they don't. Others have made comments. Maybe not meaning to be rude, but the words were not supportive and felt rude. I've blogged on some of those comments in past blogs. The other day someone again asked me if I was tired of being "crack skinny yet"? WTF Well since that was the second time I've heard that from that family I responded with the F word. "F*** NO I'm not tired of being "healthy" and I'm never going back"! "It's up to me now and I'm not going back". They looked at me kind of crazy because I cussed and Derrel's mommy was standing close by.... Don't care- if your going to ask me like that- I'm going to give you back a answer you deserve! So after all that went down he asked me a few questions. Thinking he is fat too so maybe he really wants to know the truth- I answered. I'm guessing they are interested in how, what, why questions about having WLS. He just asked me about how much food I eat and if I'll get fat again? Lordy-! I explained a few foods I eat and how much. The foods that go into my mouth are still my choice. We talked about the stretching of the stomach. I explained the differences between the RNY and the MGB I had and why I chose the MGB over the RNY. blah blah blah Then I went home once again wondering- what the fuck? As for the relationship between my husband and myself it has only grown in the last 2 years. I trust Derrel and I will grow old together through our ups and Downs life will bring us. He loves that I feel better about myself. He see's a lot of little changes that make me happier, which in fact has made us stronger and me happier. My son Jonathan does not even see it until he see's a old picture of his mom. Kids love you unconditionally! I'm still just MOM. LOL

So from all this I have learned some treat you the same, some can't handle being your friend anymore, some sabotage and other just avoid you for what ever reason. It make you wonder what you did wrong or why sometimes? But this is where you find out who is your real friend and who really cares about you everyday, not just part time.

What's your thoughts??????

Sept 2004

This picture hangs in my kitchen. I pass it everyday of my life but never stop to look @ it really. This is from 2004.

I don't even recognize her anymore. Seem that maybe I might have become more familiar with the skinny Susy than I even realized.











Later this week I'll post a new blog topic I'm writing and working on. I'm going to blog on how a few people in my life treat me different...or maybe am I different? The things people have said or not said, the things they do or don't do anymore...Is it them or me??? Not only strangers, but family. Some have let me down and some have surprized me. One thing I'm sure on is no matter what- I am happier than that girl pictured above. She was so sad on the inside sometimes...

I'll be back in a day or three with those thoughts.

Do a little dance

Even 2 years later when I weigh in the morning and I'm in the 140's I still do the happy dance! I go up and down as we all do, but the mornings I weigh in @ 140'something- I DANCE in front of the scale. I feel the best @ 140 something. That is my goal to maintain and keep for many years. It's just a silly little game I play with myself because 2 years later I still can't believe I'm seeing that number. So I dance! :)

Other wise...I'm still here and waiting for spring. My friend Lisa blogs about her container garden in AZ. So as she shows off her garden and veggies I have decided to do a container garden this year on my back deck. I live on 4 acres and have way too many deer to even think about putting my veggies out there without a 10 foot fence around it. So I'm going to do it on my back deck like she did. So come on spring! I have been looking at the bikes @ Wal mart. Looks like I can get a bike for 120 bucks or so there with a good seat. 2 years ago when I started this blog I remember writing about my men going for a bike ride without me. Jonathan and Derrel got new bikes and went for a ride without me. I was preparing for surgery, too fat to ride, so I stayed home and blogged and felt sad. I really, really want a new bike. Trouble is I don't have the cash right now and Jonathan could really use a new bike too as he is 15 and has grown up and out of his current bike. I would feel bad buying a bike for me and not my son, so now we need 2 bikes. Not sure if I can let go of the money without charging it.......Grr and I don't want to do that. I really want a bike and a pink bike would be way cool!

So that's it. All is well! Gotta think of something to blog about and I'll be back in a day or three.

old blog from Jan. 07:

http://susy-abrandnewme.blogspot.com/2007/01/made-new-friend.html

March 1st weigh in

No biggy...I weigh everyday. The first day of every month I still write my weight down. Today I was 150.2. I write it down so I have to look at it. Not obsess over it, face it. I don't want to ever look away again. For years I didn't that. I didn't even know what I weighed for years (or didn't want to know).

That's 8 months of maintaining! Here is to the next 10 years. My weight for months now stays between 147-151. If I'm over 150 I tell myself I can't have that extra "something". If I am 147ish for that day I allow myself to have something yummy. And yummy does not always mean un-healthy, but sometimes it does. I also try really hard to stick to a 3 bite rule when it comes to sweet things. I kind of like that rule and it works for me. I can have a bite, not get sick, taste it and then leave it.

So here's to the future!

A fat girl living life in a strange unfamiliar skinny body.

294

150

=144 pounds gone (and I still can't believe that)

And I have also been warned that the girl scouts are out and about selling those evil, sweet, yummy cookies... Just say NO!