transfer addictions

I've wanted to blog the past few days...but I have nothing to talk about. I know...my exciting life. Anyways...times are hard, I've cried and I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I get caught up in my emotions and I have to step back and get out of my funk and see things as they really are. Some days are easier than others. Let's just say I needed a good cry. So what...were broke. Aren't we all. Hours at work have been cut back, the job calls less and having to charge bills to get bye just plain stinks. The bills are paid this month and the future is scary for us these days. Sometimes that brings panic and tears. But there are many things I have in my life that are wonderful and I need to be thankful. And when I get clouded like that I have to remember what is good! And life is broke...but good!

Last week I was reading Tiffany's page over at http://talktotiff.com/. Tiff has a great blog that keeps you thinking while she is sharing what going on in her mind and life. Last week she wrote a blog on transfer addictions. As we have all heard some WLS patients transfer there addiction to food to something else. Having gastric bypass forces you to break the food addiction. She gave me something to think about, so I commented as she was asking how others felt. So here is my comment to her- I’m thinking shopping. I’ve had to learn that just because if fits does not mean I have to buy it. LOL I do feel this wonderful feeling when I shop or is it just fun now to shop (im not sure). I don’t think I’ve transferred my addiction but I’m thinking on it to learn more about myself. I do know that when I don’t have healthy foods in my house I must get to the store. It’s like I don’t trust myself. I must have good things around me like- banana, yogurt, salad, bell pepper, cukes, apples and such or I find I kind of freak. I don’t keep cookies and crap around our house much. I still want them and it's easier when there not around me. I don’t like it when my food decides what kind of day I’m going to have. I don't eat the whole row of cookies anymore but I still think about the “cookies” in the kitchen if they are there. I don’t over buy my healthy foods as I can’t afford to throw it away. When I look back into the past I can see i’ve done it before. There is a time when I didn’t eat and worked out like a mad woman for hours and hours at a time like a transfer addiction.
You gave me something to think about….. But ya…I’m thinking my need to have or have to have healthy foods in my house to eat. So still food????????????? Maybe so?

You know what Tiff said to me: "Still food…. That’s good….There’s something to be said for loyalty!" And she's right! Loyalty should be my 2nd name. In every part of my life- I am loyal. I am kind, soft hearted, loving and YES LOYAL. I don't think about food like I used to before surgery but I enjoy keeping "good" foods in my reach now. And if the fridge gets low or empty I do feel a bit panicky. I didn't even realize it but she got me thinking. I am also cooking @ home 20x more than I ever have in my life and I'm enjoying it. So I learned something!

So....I ask all of my readers: What do you think? Are you finding or seeing any transfer addictions? Just something to think about!

say CHEESE...

Got dressed up...thought it was a great reason to take a picture...so we did!

My 2nd birthday...

Feb. 21st 2007 I weighed in @ 294
Feb. 21st 2008 I weighed in @ 169
Feb. 21st 2009 I weighed in @ 150
=144 pounds gone. And in the 80's and 90's I weighed 340 pounds. Lordy. I can't even total those numbers.

I will aways love♥ Feb. 21st for the rest of my life. Today is my 2nd birthday and I'm thankful I took the step I needed to take for myself 2 years ago.

Were going out for a nice lunch with friends tomorrow as it's there anniversary. I bought this nice new shirt I've had my eye on for more than a month now. I couldn't take it anymore and broke down and bought it on Thursday. It's purple, kind of sheer with sparkles and it looks so so so good on me. I can't wait to put it on. I will have Derrel take my pictures tomorrow and then I'll post it when I get home on Sunday.

Happy day to me!

sniff, sniff + 2 years post op.

Yup...I got the sniffles and sore throat from my son. Thanks bud! This morning I can't smell anything and I'm looking for the Zicam. I'm just hoping this is the worst of it. Jonathan got it pretty good this time. So far I'm not half as sick as Jonathan has been. Yesterday Jon asked me to get some ice cream cause he has been sick for 3 days and he hasn't had ice cream yet. See if you get sick around my house you usually get a treat. (I usually crave a sub sandwich when I'm sick for some strange reason.) Jonathan wanted ice cream. So this morning he is finally feeling better. Jon woke this morning and wanted ice cream and toast with PB for breakfast. LOL Since he hasn't ate much the past few days and has been feeling crappy I served him cookie dough ice cream and toast for breakfast. That story was just silly enough I had to share. Ice cream and PB toast for breakfast. LOL

I went to lunch yesterday with a friend. It was nice. It has been sometime since I've done that. 2 1/2 hours later we were still chatting but had to part. It was a nice lunch with a good friend I enjoy. Yesterday she also offered me my old job back at the farmers market. I'm so relieved...At least it's some money and a start. I really liked working at the market too. It's still awhile till the market starts but I thrilled she thought I did a good job and would like me to sell her product again for them.

So Saturday is my 2 year surgiversary for me. I started this journey weighing 294 pounds, and have weighed as high as 350 once upon a time. And as time passes and the weight fell off I still look forward to the future. I can't wait to be 5 or even 10 years post op. I'm just as excited for the future as I was in the beginning to have the surgery. I am thrilled to weigh 150 pounds. I feel great and I know what I have to do forever now. And I'm not as scared anymore. Worried, and aware but not scared. Never look away again! Never tell myself my jeans are getting tight because of the dryer, and never lie to myself again. It's all about moderation, picking the correct foods to put into my body. Not just for today but forever. It may not be what I "want" to eat, but I ate what I wanted for years and look where that got me. This is my chance to show myself I can do this...and I will!

I ♥love♥ the new me!

Sugar Dumping Bug...

It got me again. Ug

Yesterday...Wal mart had candy on clearance. The men came home with a bit of clearance candy. You know where this story is going...

The candy melts in your mouth, it's so good, it's Reese's peanut butter, and I had 5 and BAMM!

First thing I notice is my eyes are having trouble focusing, then I get very shaky, then sweaty, then freezing. Here comes the dumping...Ug -those candy's ended my day quick. I covered up on the couch trying to get warm and layed there trying to let it pass. 7 o'clock and I'm going to bed! So I'm guessing I should of stopped at 3! LOL

Nothing like a good O'l case of dumping to remind you why you did this.

Anyway, I'm awake this morning bright and early because I went to bed so frickin early. Feel fine this morning and no craving for chocolate. :) Yuck

Daily Mug Shot...

Found this cool new web site today. Wish I would of known about this 2 years ago. But I'm starting it now. You take a face photo everyday/week/month upload it and it makes this cool slide show of everyday for you. That would of been fun to do while losing 150 pounds.

Kinda cool...Check it out.

http://www.dailymugshot.com/

10 Ways to Destroy a Cupcake

I watch Mandy's YouTube vlogs. She is funny and has some of the best vlogs that crack me up. This one made me laugh out loud as I understand all about those evil cup cakes/snacks. Still can't have the shit in my house. I'm just better off not buying it or having it near. Here is Mandy's funny cup cake vlog.

♥ Valentine's Day ♥...

♥ So when you eat conversation hearts do you read them first? ♥. I love♥ these little pieces of sugar! I've only bought one bag for Valentine's day and I made it last 4 or 5 days. One piece at a time they disappeared. I myself do not read each piece of candy as I eat them. I do love them!

♥ Yesterday Derrel and I had our Valentine's day. We were able to spend the day together and have a evening alone. Jonathan was gone on his last out of town basketball trip with his team. So... D and I went out for a early dinner, had a long ride home on the back roads, came home a watched a movie and snuggled. We went to Maxwell's, got a corner table and sat close like we were kids. I had this great coupon for lunch or dinner. So we went for a early dinner. I had a chicken caesar salad and D had a mushroom burger. Yummy good! We ate dinner and one cup of coffee for $12.00 bucks. I almost felt bad eating for that price. But nah, I love a great coupon and a great deal. Anyway...my salad came... And I laughed...It was huge! So I snapped a pic. Derrel had half with his burger, I ate the chicken off, some salad, shared with Rufus and there was still a ton left. Dinner was nice, the drive was fun and we had a very nice evening. ♥

Happy Valentine's day Bloggers!

Snow again???

We don't get a lot of snow where I live here in Oregon. Remember, I live near the ocean. Hear at sea level it hails at most but most years we don't see snow unless we travel the mountain ranges though out Oregon. This year we have got more snow than past years. I'm sitting here this morning and it started snow and kept snowing and kept snowing. I didn't even know we had a chance of snow. Not bad for a Monday afternoon. So this morning we went out and about and snapped a couple of really cool pics. The snow flakes were huge and oh so cool.

Siletz River

This one is my favorite shot. ♥

☃

Trying to stirke a pose...but I hit the wrong button...Too funny.

My driveway

Not bad huh...

☑ check one off the list...

Remember that list I made sometime ago here on my blog. Well Tuesday Derrel and I did a trail that is on my "gotta do" list. It's a list I made while losing weight of a few things in my life that I would like to do without the limits of my weight. I've stood aside and watched life go by long enough. My weight took so much from me for many, many years. Sure I was happy (i thought) being heavy, but for me deep down inside when I had to stand aside or not join along because of my weight it crushed me inside. My weight had taken enough from me and I knew if I didn't do something I was in for more depression, more pain and my health would continue to worsen as I aged from obesity. I didn't realize how tired I was being 300 pounds until it was gone.

Long story...but this hike down, and up and through the woods was on my "gotta do" list now that I've lost weight. A few years ago this hike kicked my ass and my feelings. I hurt, it hurt, it was too hard and I beat myself up as much as the trail kicked my bodies ass. That day was a sad day. Again, long story. So I've got a silly little list now and this hike was on it that list.

I did it...and it barely hurt. :) LOL
and it was fun this time.

☑ check one off the list...

my list. dated April 2008-
http://susy-abrandnewme.blogspot.com/2008/04/100-way-wednesdays.html

Drift Creek Falls trail...

one minute video

Jonathan #4

Game day! Jon has been dressing up all season on game days while playing basketball. This morning I made him stop so I could take his picture in a tie. So I thought I'd share a picture or two of my son today. ♥

25 Random Things About Me....

This little game is all over FaceBook so I thought I would also post it here for fun. I'd like to tag a few blogger friends that I don't have as facebook friends. Let's hear from you guys.

1. I am not really a people person. I’m a homebody and love it that way. I love being at home and enjoy my own company of silence and quiet. I love silence and miss it some days as I don’t get a lot of quiet anymore. I was an only child and think that is one reason I like being alone and quiet.

2. I collect “smiley faces” anything. Cups, pictures, stuffed toys and all kinds of things. If there is a smiley on it, I just might buy it. I’m not a crazy collector but I do probably have 25 different items of smiley’s.

3. I love buying new shirts. I love to shop but shirts seem to be one of my “bad” habits. I can only have a few pair of pants but I love buying new shirts, new colors, styles, and new patterns. I can go to Wal mart and most likely find a new shirt I must have. My shirts reflect my mood for the day. Sometimes I change 3 times before I get the “right” one for the day. LOL My closet is once again full of shirts, only this time there size smalls! Oh yeah!

4. I’m one of the most honest, caring, loving, kindhearted souls you will ever meet. I feel for others more than myself. I’d do anything I could to make someone feel better. But…don’t let that fool you as I do have red hair. I have a grouchy, and a mean side too. J I get grumpy just leave me alone for a bit and I’ll get over it. But the more you push the more I blow.

5. When I get upset with someone or they do me wrong I cry before I get mad or angry usually. I’m a lover not a fighter. I’ve never been in a fistfight.

6. I love, love, love coffee. I’ll give up the food but coffee I love. I drink green tea now too but coffee I love the taste of. I’ve found an acid free coffee at the health food store that is yummy & good. Hoping it good on the tummy. Not a lot of coffee but I do like to my cup.

7. I hate my house being a mess. It drives me crazy when the toilets, floors and laundry need my attention and I can’t get it all done. I also know “my men are pigs” and it’s my job to clean up after them. But that’s ok cause I get a “satisfaction” from a clean house and a job well done.

8. I almost always fall asleep during an evening time movie. Play scrabble or keep me entertained and I can stay awake late, but put me in front of a TV at night and I’ll fall asleep every time. I usually fall asleep usually by 9pm but I’m always up and awake by 5ish.

9. Every single morning I drink an iced OJ, yogurt protein drink. It’s got OJ, orange yogurt, ice, orange powder protein, benifiber, creatine and glutamine in it. Keeps me healthy and it’s great for the stomach. And it sooooo good. I love my morning drink. I drink this instead of coffee. I don’t wake up and have to have coffee any more; I gave that up 2 years ago. This is my morning coffee now.

10. Derrel and I rarely fight and spend most of our time together and just being together. He still drives me crazy some days but I’m lucky to have him and I know it! After all this time I’m still in love.

11. I am a good mommy. Still wonder what I’m going to do with myself once Jonathan is grown. I’m thinking I might just be a little lost without someone hear to push my buttons each day and drive me crazy.

12. I’ve lived in Oregon, Idaho, Missouri and now back in Oregon for the past 16 years. (Wow, that made me feel old)

13. I’ve got ONE good friend that loves me for me. I don’t have a lot of friends but after all this time I feel lucky to have her in my life and all we have been through. Were 2000 miles apart and have been for years, but we talk like we live next door to one another still. She’s been my friend for 20 years and I love her more than anybody. Good friends are hard to find, but I found mine. LULAS Shelly!

14. My favorite TV show is Two and a half men. Funny shit!

15. This is the year I’m getting my ass on a horse. Getting on a horse is something I’ve never been able to do along with many other things in my past life because of my weight. Getting on a horse is just one of many goals on my list since losing 145 pounds. There is so much I missed out on being obese for many years and so much to do. It’s time to start checking off things from that list this year.

16. I absolutely hate anything that flaps like birdies. I know…laugh. It’s not the birds it’s the flapping. Keep you wings off me and don’t get to close or you’ll scare me. I was brave this summer at the zoo and went into the bird room to feed them. Ug We snapped a picture of me with the birds sitting on my shaking arms, it was funny- but I did it!

17. I love my houseplants. I’ve had some of them even before my son was born.

18. I always order the same thing when we go out to eat. Different restaurants, different places but I always order the same thing off the menu. I’m kind predictable and not very daring.

19. I love to take long rides in the forest and in the trees. Here in Oregon there are many back roads through the woods and trees. Taking the back road and the long way home is all-good with me. Give me trees over people.

20. I love to dip my chips in ketchup if were having hamburgers with ketchup. Strange, but I do. Also- baked potato dry or sometimes I put cottage cheese on my baked potato- never butter. I put cottage cheese on my salad rather then dressing.

21. I love Facebook. I’m addicted. My Space sucks, as I always get “page can not be displayed” on that site. I love Face book’s games, photos, status updates and my friends there.

22. I love candles. I almost always have one burning or many burning. It rains a lot here in Oregon so it soothes me I think. My dad loved candles too, so it reminds me of him.

23. I’ve already lost most of my family members to death. My mom and dad are gone and have been since my 20’s. Heart attack and breast cancer. Grandparents, uncles, all gone but a few…I’m pretty much alone here in this world and out of family- except Jon and Derrel. That’s another reason I had to lose my weight…for my future. I don’t want to leave my son here alone. I want him to have a grandma for his kids. It’s hard not having anyone left and I don’t want to do the same to him if I can help it.

24. I wear glasses. Dorky ones pink ones, blue ones, cheap ones. I wear contacts some days too. For years I've had to put glasses on to read. And every year I can see a little less. I can't see anything anymore clearly. Even at the store if I don't have contacts in or glasses on my face I can't see the price or read it at all. I still don't want to admit that, but I put on my glasses and I can see how dirty everything is and I can see so much clearer. I have 20 pairs of dollar store glasses all over my house.

25.I could write more much darker, deeper facts- but I didn’t want to scare you off. He he