i get it...

Nothing much going on...It's Oregon's spring break this week. The kid is home and bored. Jonathan works this week with the aquarium doing a job shadow with one of the marine biologist in the aviary (birds) department. He goes tomorrow morning at 7am to clean, wash, feed and love all the sea birds there. After that he goes to the education room to ask any questions he wants to ask the biologist. Kind of cool! I'm proud of him.

I had a shitty day on Monday. With out writing a novel, let's just say I feel hurt, sad and disappointed. I have come to understand this week that I can't change people and I expected more from them. I get it, I got it and I don't understand but will deal with it. I've heard this week-"life is busy", "we were to busy", "we can't", "we don't anyone" and "we do love you". I wonder sometimes if I've had a lot more losses in my life at such a young age and that's why maybe "i get it" and want to be close to family. Each and everyone of them is too busy every day between Easter and Christmas to be involved. I guess the people I feel closest to me feel like they are not missing anything, and these are my feelings. Then the anger sets in, then the tears. I just wish my son had grand parents, aunts, uncles that were a regular part of everyday life. I wish family wanted to get to know Jonathan, but they don't really and that saddens me. I have such great memories with my grandma & grandpa and aunt, uncles and family. I had such a loving childhood and felt very loved growing up by all of them. And I wish my son had the same- that's all- p.e.r.i.o.d! My family is small and I wish they understood that and I just love all of them (not just on holidays). :( I was told this week I need to get off my "pity party". OK- heard you-got it-i get it. I expected too much I guess and I know that now. For me life is too short to regret. Too short to miss out on. I'm really not on a pity party...this is about family, my son and I counted on all of them and not just 2 times a year. There feelings are not mine and that is OK-i get it. All in all I understand we were raised different and come from different family's= hence the debate, frustration, disappointment and the tears.

So today it's ☂pouring☂ again. When O' when will ☼spring☼ come to Oregon. Thinking maybe a movie this afternoon. I would love to go see the new Nicholas Cage movie the "Knowing". http://www.catheatres.com/MovieDetails.asp?MovieID=712&TheatreID=12