Family Letter...

I found this letter in my computer hiding in My Documents. 2+ years ago one of my requirements for surgery was to have my support person write a letter to my surgeon. Of course my support is my husband. This is a letter to Dr. Rutledge from my husband dated in January 2007. I remember reading this 2 years ago and I just cried and cried. Derrel hit everything dead on. He wrote everything I didn't want to feel anymore. He never said these words out loud as he loves me. But he could see what I was feeling all these years. I didn't even want him to see that or share that pain with him, but obviously he saw. This was such a hard letter for him to write. Trying to explain to the Dr. how you feel, without hurting the one you love. I think he did great. I wonder how he feels now if he were to put it on paper now? Maybe I'll ask him to do that for me. :)

Life has sure changed.

I don't feel such sadness, pain, guilt, and pity as before. I feel lucky to have been given a chance to make myself proud. It's hard to explain...something has been lifted and this letter brings it all back. At 39 I was scared to get old and feared the health problems I would suffer if I stayed obese 10 or 20 more years. I was only going to get fatter = more pain= less movement= depression= sadness= not a happy life. I have never know anything different. NEVER! I've lived my whole life in this FAT body and I've wanted out for a long, long time. I had thought about gastric bypass a long time before I found the courage to follow through. I was tired of standing aside in pain. I've missed out on boyfriends, going out, proms, dances, hikes, sports, rafting trips...whatever. Life has passed me by for sure while I watched. Many, many things. Either because I was scared or just couldn't due to my weight. And if I did participate- I felt embarrassed, ashamed or judged a good part of the time. I did not want to be noticed. Doesn't mean life was never happy...because it was. These things are my feelings, in my heart, my mind and my life. It's tough when you can't get fit into that roller coaster or can't get into Wal mart because it's so frickin big. I understand! That's me! Now I'm just a a fat girl living life in a strange unfamiliar skinny body. (Which in it's self need it's own post/blog.) My weight carried so much more than fat for me. And now 2 years later it's time to reflect back and learn...but never forget. So I will share this story with you from my hubby to my Dr. :)

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Good morning,

My name is Derrel, the husband of Susan. We have been together as soul mates for over a dozen years, 5 years of which we have been married. Being married has definitely been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love Susy with all my heart and I want the best for her. I have watched Susy through the years and seen her struggle with her weight as it would constantly goes up and down. She has tried many diets and has been successful in weight loss, but the weight always seems to come back on for her. I married Susy for her heart, not what she weighs. I consider Susy to be very outgoing in the comfort of her own home. When she gets out in the world she becomes very withdrawn and uncomfortable. She tends to stand on the sideline and it seems, she doesn't want to be noticed. I tell her all the time to be comfortable with her own skin, but I know "in her eyes" everybody just sees her as the fat chick. It really brings sadness to her, our relationship and even has an effect on motherhood. I can think of many, many times we have had to cancel a hike, give up on taking long walks, or even something as simple as a shopping trip needs to be cut short because of the pain that this excess weight brings upon her. Susy works part time at a local video store and takes great pride in her work. I am very proud of her accomplishments there, she loves her job, but not the extra pain it causes her. She is forced to stand 8 or 9 hours a day on a concrete floor without any breaks. Sometimes I will talk to her on the phone at work and hear the pain in her voice. There have been many times that I have wiped her tears away after 2 or 3 days in a row on that concrete floor. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes.

Several months ago Susy heard about something called Mini Gastric Bypass surgery. Her sister in law and brother has been patients of Dr. Rutledge’s in the past 15 months also. I have been a hard sell when it comes to things like surgery as an answer to an obesity issue. I have always felt that the risk out weighs the benefits. Susy and I have been researching MGB surgery and the benefits it would have for her. I am amazed at the low risk and how non-invasive this procedure actually is. I realize there is a certain amount of risk with any operation but I also must consider her father dying of congestive heart failure in his fifties and also her mother dying from breast cancer at age 56. I understand this will be a permanent commitment for her that will last the rest of her life. We have spent hours talking about it and have read for many hours of info on the procedure as well as many testimonials. Susy has spent the last 3 months working on her time off on the “packet” for Dr. Rutledge. Us together have spent many hours reading the manual together and learning together. I will support Susy in whatever she feels to be best for her future. What’s important is that she has a long and healthy future. And we can spend that future together healthy and happy.

I have never written a letter that felt so right. If there were ever a perfect candidate for this surgery, you have one with Susy. She would follow your instructions to the letter and I'm positive that Susy, our son and myself would be thankful for the rest of our lives. Please consider her for Mini Gastric Bypass surgery. I am positive that this is the best thing for her and I’m sure that it will make me much more health conscience in my future as well.