Gotta love the ocean...

Had a good time this weekend. Saturday we all woke up and went to the rec. room and had breakfast together. That afternoon Jon stayed with uncle Steve and played games and we went back to our room, watched a movie, took a nap, took a bath, and got some kisses. Not a bad afternoon at all, I'll take it anytime. Pretty mellow weekend overall. I ate too much different food all over one weekend so overall I feel icky. Went out to eat Saturday night and I did have a salad. Pizza was Friday night, had some ice cream. Saturday ate some Skittles, Pringles, salad, more ice cream that night. By Sunday I didn't want anymore ice cream. A year ago I would of had seconds, I loved ice cream. I still do just now I like it, it doesn't like me. I had a tummy ache Friday night in bed, not bad but my stomach never aches. Even if it was just a scoop, I feel the differences in my body with sugar and crap in it vs. without it. Here are a few pictures I took this weekend and a new picture of me on my side bar. I hate my mid section/tummy area and I want it to go away. I look at pictures of myself and pick them apart. I'm still not happy with what I see looking back at me, will I ever?????? I'm just not sure sometimes. My hair is like in this TRANSITION stage of growing out. I see I need a hair cut and it still needs to grow out. Anyway had a relaxing time, with enjoyable company.

The Weekend...

My cousin Steve and his family are coming to visit this weekend. We are both owners in a timeshare (Worldmark). So since it is winter time we were both able to get a room there at the resort. We booked it on bonus time so we are staying the weekend for cheap. They have a pool and we have got the PS2, movies, board games, food, wine all packed up to spend some time together with our family's. I wrote Steve this past fall and told him "that we really have to find time to get together more often." I know life gets busy, but when time passes and we don't talk that makes me sad. So we planned this weekend and it will be nice to visit and spend family time together on the ocean. I don't have much family left as I have lost a lot of people close to me in my life. So the family I do have I want to TREASURE and spend time with. Life is too short!

I will take some pictures to share with you all.

178.2 this morning. 3.2 loss this week. Wow, can't believe it. Who would of thought Susy would ever weigh anything less than FAT. I am amazed and loving it. 9.2 more pounds till my first goal of 169. I just want to dance, cry, jump up and down, scream, yell, let's just say I'm excited to be feeling the changes that are happening to me.

Well I'm off and I'll be back with some photos to share.

170's at last...

Scale finally moved again. Yeah.

I did go to the pool yesterday before I went to work at noon. I have been doing pull ups at the pool too the past few times.

Today at last I'm in the 170 zone. Today I weighed 178.8. PhEw...

Have my tuna fish all made up in the fridge to take to work today for lunch. One can of tuna still lasts me 2 meals. Trying to make things ahead of time to make it more convenient. I was just happy to see 170 something!

Have a good Wednesday!

Romantic evening...

This past week seems to have been pretty busy around my home. I worked everyday this past week. On Friday I did get off work at 3pm. My husband called and said "guess who has got a ocean view room in Depoe Bay for the storm tonight". US :) We had another storm coming in last Friday with wind @ 80mph. So we rented one night @ a condo right on the ocean with a fireplace and a jet tub. Jonathan got home from school, took him to a friends house for the night, and had a very nice evening by the ocean. That was a nice surprise and fun to watch the storm by the ocean and the waves crashing off the rocks.

The next morning after we got around we went to lunch. Had a bit to much to drink and some real food sounded good. Well... I had a garden burger (left 1/2 of the bun off my burger) and a few bites of some salad. That meal was the first time since surgery I felt like I over ate. I should not of finished that last few bites of my garden burger. Sad part is I knew it in my head. I remember thinking I was full, but NO I didn't listen to my stomach or head and look what it got me. SICK That's what got me fat to begin with. SHIT By the time we were heading out of town back to home I told Derrel "to pull over". I lost part of my lunch. I did it to my self I guess, and or the liquor that was also in my tummy combo???????? I was just blah. Came home layed down for 1/2 hour and then we had basketball tournaments most of Saturday.

For some reason I've been hungry a lot more often most of this week. So I ask myself what am I doing different? I think I know the answer to that question??? I felt several times this week I am hungry and can't wait to eat. Just felt hungry more often. Different for me and strange. Guess the garden burger got me full for sure. I did pretty well over the holiday but you know the lingering candy left in the house that was in my stocking, I've had some each night. By all means I have not ate the same amounts of candy, but this past 2 weeks I've had a hand full of candy each night (hot tamales, cherry sours and shit). And that little extra sugar keeps me from losing. I want to be at my first goal of 169 pounds by Feb. 21st which is one year since WLS for me. Today's weight is 181.4. Minus 169 pounds (goal by feb. 21 2008) = 12.4 more pounds to go and and 5 weeks to go until I want to get to that first goal. So I don't go to work this week 2 times until 1pm so I am going to go swimming and get that back into gear. We went grocery shopping yesterday and got some healthy foods for us. I've been kind of stuck at 180 pounds for a few weeks. Makes me wonder if I am done losing weight or just stuck. I knew my body was going to make me work hard for these last 20 pounds. I am happy that most foods agree with me and I never feel sick from eating, but I never since surgery over ate until yesterday. To be healthy is why I did this and eating candy is not healthy with or without WLS. I feel better when I eat and make good decisions with my food.

So that's my week... and back to work I go... Get my ass back to the pool and throw that candy in the garbage.

I will win this battle!

A New Year

When I reflect on this past year I feel good about my life changes. I can not put into words how much better my body feels at 180 pounds rather than at 300 pounds. I never understood how tired my body really was until I lost 100+ pounds and could feel the difference for myself. As I aged my weight affected me and my body more and more. I mean I knew I was tired and didn't like the way my body was feeling, but...WOW
I still today find myself avoiding doing things. Like getting on the floor and climbing ladders and such. I've always avoided things like that for years, so it's natural to me these days to think like that, it's never been any different for me. I got down on the floor the other day at work to fix the stereo. I hesitated and thought to myself "I'll get down, but have a hell of a time getting up off the floor". It's not like that anymore. My knees didn't hurt while I was down there and it was no trouble at all to get up. Things like that amaze me to this day. For me my whole life the little things that most people don't think about has been hard for me. I didn't think twice about it- It was just normal not to be able to do it for me. Does that make sense? I am most grateful for the little things that are happening in my life. Little to some, but big deals to me. Things I've tried to avoid my whole life, things that were once hard that are simple now. Easy to some, used to be a challenge for me are the things I'm noticing and loving the most post-op. I still have a ways to go, but I notice a big difference. Not only does my body feel better and the pain my body was feeling is better too, but I feel better about myself. Every time I put on a new smaller size I can't believe this is happening to me. I had a hard time right after surgery being patient and trusting with losing weight. I feel more settled these days and not so anxious. I am 10 months post op right now and have lost 111 pounds and wearing size 12 pants. If I were to never lose another pound I would be happy at what I have accomplished thus far. I feel that much better. I don't believe my body is done losing weight or I can't work it by eating healthy and exercise. I am just saying I feel lucky and grateful to have lost what I have. I have had a successful surgery and successful months post op thus far. For me in the past 10 months I have had very little trouble with foods and my surgery. I don't drink milk anymore because I made me sick 2 times so I just switched to soy milk. I don't eat a lot of bread anymore cause it makes me feel to full. I can't tolerate sugar to much. I can have a cookie or three but if I eat more I feel and pay the effects and just don't feel good. To much crap/sugar makes me feel icky and tired and just plain yucky. It has made me dump (head for the bathroom). Not bad as I have not really never overate or binged on tongs of sugar, but I have regretted eating a few times. My blood work at 9 months came back good. My cholesterol is normal now and my blood pressure is fine too. So for me the past 10+ months have been enlightening and amazing. I really believe my MGB has been a surgically enhanced behavior modification and a great tool that I needed in my life for many reasons. I believe if I follow the rules and take care of me I will live a healthy and happy life. I do not ever want to forget what it was like to feel and be obese along with the struggles that come along with it. I write and share this to just remember and think about my past and my future.

Merry Christmas...

We had a good Christmas and Christmas eve. Only bummer for the day was I had to work today. It stinks that I had to work on Christmas day. To make a long story short, someone got fired that did not deserve to get fired, so guess who had to work...ME. I got off work at 6pm and had put dinner in the oven before I left. When I got home we went over to a friends house to take them some of that banana bread I blogged about that my hubby makes. Just a short visit with them, as I had ate nothing all day today. We were all hungry. Had lasagna today for Christmas dinner, and it was yummy! Last night we went to Derrel's family house for a get together. I did really good last night with my food choices. I was able to get something healthy to eat before the get together, so that helped. I didn't eat any sugar last night. Had some cream cheese dip with crackers and some of Derrel's mom potato salad. Those were the two bad choices I made last night and I only had a bit of those foods. So over all I feel good with the foods I've ate the past few days. I had a cup of coffee this morning which is something I don't do to often. I do get a coffee from Dutch Bro. every so often as a treat. I love there sugar free mocha's with soy milk. Starbucks has a good SF hazelnut coffee too. So I do have a coffee every so often I will confess. I'm am proud of myself as I can get up and function now days without my coffee. 10-11 months ago I could not do that. I got coffee money too for Christmas, so I will try really hard not to use my coffee money up fast and still treat it as a once in awhile deal. My son got his bass guitar for Christmas and was so so so happy. Dad got him a amp too, so were listening to him pick and play. Derrel got me a new silk night gown. It is size M. It's green and silky and long. I did not think it would fit by just holding it up and looking at it. To my surprise it does and it looks great. I love it when that happens. It's like my head has not caught up with my butt yet. But it's beautiful and I love it.

Anyway, I'm just blabbing now.

Here's to 2008 and a healthier me!

Blog Comment that got me thinking? What do you think?

Have you been to Weighty Secrets yet?(http://meltingmama.typepad.com/weighty_secrets/)
This comment was received on a post there the other night. I found this link on melting mama's blog and it got me wondering (http://www.meltingmama.typepad.com/). I thought the comment below was so true. To find a GOOD blog period is hard to do. Why is the truth so hard for people to share and learn from.


Comment: Search for any wls blogs or stories or even posters on wls boards from post ops more than two or three years out...they are virtually non-existant. Nobody posts on boards more than 2 years post op. Blogs are abandoned at two years out. The surgery has a honeymoon and people still in that period tend to get very emotional about defending it. Once the regain, ruptures, complications and malabsorption side effects take over, these people feel like failures and hypocrites and go into hiding. Where are the ten year post-ops? Or the five year ones? That's who I want to hear from.


There some what right... I have a hard time finding blogs that talk about how they really feel. How things really are for them. From emotional, physical to all kinds of things we should share and keep sharing. THE TRUTH Just because in one year we see our self as skinny does not mean life will be perfect once again. That's when we should keep sharing. Not just about the weight, but about life, stress, family, life's struggles, our health, taking care of our body's. Blogs that talk about what's really going on in our heads and body's. What's is really happening with our bodys after time has passed. I don't want to just keep this blog for the "honeymoon" period of my WLS. I don't feel I have to defend my choice of having WLS, but I want to learn from it. I know for me that WLS was not the easy way out. In many ways it has been hard, and in many other ways it has put me on the same playing field as others, it gave me a chance. There is just way more to me than my weight. Way more reasons I was fat to begin with, I want to learn and share those ideas and thoughts too. Just because you had WLS does not mean you no longer struggle with a lot of the same issues. I sure wish when Dr. R bypass my intestines he could of bypassed my head and the things I tell my self. I've had to learn to be nice to myself and I'm still learning. I enjoy sharing my WLS story, life, family and ups and downs of my crazy/stupid/silly head. And I hope me blogging and sharing will help me learn from myself and others. So keep blogging friends. I myself want to read and learn from others struggles and thoughts and experiences. I know it helps me when I know someone else is dealing with the same issue and have the same struggles. Life has just begun bloggers, so keep sharing so we can learn from each other! Lets talk about the good along with the bad. Share the truth of those tests and the thoughts in your head.

Christmas treats...

Good morning all! I've got all my Christmas shopping done and wrapped. I'm glad to be done and wrapped and I don't have to go into the very crowded stores and fight the lines. I do have to take Jonathan to Wal Mart today so he can shop for dad and grandma, but that won't be a big deal. I was off yesterday from work and got a lot done around the house. I mopped my whole house, cleaned, all the laundry done and put up. And I wrapped Christmas presents at the end of the day. YEAH. Time to enjoy now.

My hubby made 30 pounds of banana bread last weekend for the family Christmas eve get together. It is so so so good and everyone in the family wants uncle Derrel's banana bread. He took it out of the freezer yesterday so now it can sit there before Christmas eve and get yummier and stickier. He made these little bb muffins and yesterday I had 3 of them through out the whole day. They were safer in the freezer. He he I have not had a lot of treats in my face, but what is in my face smells and tastes good. My plan on Christmas eve night is to eat before I go to the get together. I work Christmas eve till 6 and we have to be there by 7pm. So not sure if I can pick up a salad from McDonald's or what I'm going to do. I figured I would be less tempted if I wasn't hungry when we arrived. I also don't want to get sick from trying new foods or fatty/sugary foods. That worries me a bit too. And I don't want to be mad at myself for eating shit. We decided we want lasagna for Christmas dinner. It has been several years since I've made lasagna and I make a mean (yummy) lasagna. The 3 of us are staying home, watching movies and taking it easy at home for Christmas. We have had ham, turkey a lot this past month and so we all agreed lasagna would be yummy for Christmas dinner. Jeez, I'm not going to lose any weight this month. I'm sure I won't gain like other years, but I'm so close to my goal that this is just going to slow me down. I'm trying really hard not to just eat mindlessly but still is hard at times. So this morning I got up at 5:30 and heading in to the pool for my water exercise class. Trying to work off those 3 little bb muffins from yesterday. It's much easier when things are not in your face and just healthy foods are near and around you. Today is also my 10 months since surgery, feeling great and happy for the next year.

EVIL COOKIES!

Changes...

I was going through pictures today on my computer and memory cards. And I found this picture of Scott, Barb and myself. So we are a family of MGB's (mini gastric bypass) http://clos.net/. I can't wait until we all see each other again (under better circumstance, rather taking care of our poor mom with a broken shoulder) and take a retake of that family photo.

Barb is 2+ out http://barbswls.blogspot.com/. And this February Scott will be two years out. I am 10 months post-op almost. Guess we have all changed a lot. Retake time guys! I added 3 extra pictures that are after pictures for Scott and Barb. I'd say together they have lost 230 pounds or more.

Our Christmas Tree & Me...

This is a shirt I've wanted to fit into for sometime. I bought it to tight and was looking forward to fitting in to it. I got it at a second hand shop but really liked it. I hung it on our curtains and looked at it for months. I wanted it to fit correct, not just squeeze into it. It fit this morning when I tried it on. Now I have a size 10-12 dress hanging there as my next goal to fit into. If Susy puts on a dress my hubby is taking me out to a nice dinner I can't finish/eat. He'll have to pay big time, cause I don't wear dresses, or at least I didn't in the past. But now I want to cause it's something I've never felt comfortable doing. Barb gave me the dress when I was in California and that dress is my next goal. I got it on but it had about 5 inches until I could zip it in the back.

Yippie

Well I'm done Christmas shopping? How about you? Today we went to Wal mart and finished the stocking stuffers. I'm glad to be done. I just have to take Jon to get something for dad now. Now it's time to wrap things up. That's always a job I don't really like for some reason. We went grocery shopping today and spent the day running around here and there. I did go swimming today again to my water aerobics class. I just love that class, and since the teacher went to a teaching class she learned some new things. I love it even more now that she is pushing us and challenging us even more. I got a new swim suit today in the mail I ordered off EBay. It's size 10 and fit's perfect. My old swim suit was stretched out really bad and I could not wait until spring to get a new one. I weighed in this morning and I am down to 181. That's 110 pounds so far for me. Yippie!!!! I can not tell you or express enough how much better I am feeling these days. I'm almost to my first goal of 169. Who would of thunk it????? In the beginning I was very scared this WLS would not work for me. I was scared and not trusting. And a life time of down talking myself didn't help either. But today I'm just freaking amazed and thrilled to have a fighting chance.

I also had a meeting with family services today on the phone trying to make contact with that little girl I used to read with for 4 years in a row. I blogged about her in Oct. Anyway she is back into foster care away from her family, they live back East. I knew I had to go through the proper channels and get permission to see her again as the state has custody of her at this point in her life. So in the near future I will get a chance to be back in her life to some point. We talked today that maybe I could help tutor her after school in the library. Were going to work that part out here in the near future. Saleena has to earn privileges and I will be one of those things she needs to earn. There trying to teach her life skills such as behavior skills, and anger skills. She has been in foster care for years and was on her way to being adopted. She had several problems after being adopted when she went with her adopted family to the East coast. I'm sure this little girl has been through some shit that not even me knows. So she has some learning and problems to work out. I just want to be a kind, honest, loving person in her life. I will do what ever they need me to do for this little girl as she means a lot to me. She touched my heart years ago. This photo was taken of us several years ago.

Goals

Well I felt like blogging this morning, but don't really have much to say. Let's see...

I'm down to 184.8 from 291. I've lost 106 pounds since Feb. 2007. I've gone from size 24/26 to size 14. I fit into size 14's, I can't believe that, but I do. My first goal is to make it to 169. That is 15.8 more pounds to go. I put my height and weight into a BMI calculator, and for my height I need to get to 159 to be normal and not obese anymore. So I am going to keep 169 as my first goal and when I reach that goal I will jump for joy and be proud of myself and then set a new goal to get to 159. Me normal, not obese... No way... I've never been normal. LOL But I want that goal and I will work hard to get there and stay there. I ran into someone the other day at Costco that I had not seen in forever (Tish). Was good to bump into her for a short visit. I passed her while going to get napkins and someone said "Susy"???? Like she wasn't even sure it was me. She was amazed and happy for me. I still feel I am the same person, it's just my head has not caught up with my butt yet. I'm sure that will take sometime. I still feel like the fat girl. I catch my reflection in the windows at times and wonder who I am looking at now. I'd say over the past few months I have learned more patients and learning to love myself again. It feels great to have control over parts of my life and my eating habits.

For not having anything to say I'd say I did pretty good. Have a good week all!

Check in...

Just a quick check in. All good here on the home front. I am really sick of the rain and I really need some sunshine. We are going to my mom's house again tomorrow for a visit and to check on her. Healing is still going slow for her. She did her first day of PT and was pretty sore. I sure hope she heals and does not have to have anymore surgery's. Were also going to do a bit of Christmas shopping tomorrow while were over there in the city. Jonathan really wants a bass guitar for Christmas, so well look into that. I'm sure we will get our tree up, some lights and decorate the house up this weekend. I always enjoy the lights and tree. We love to take drives at night and look at the lights on peoples houses and there hard work. I can't really believe it's Christmas. Money is really tight this year so we are going low key and keeping it simple. Otherwise, life is good. I have a hubby who truly loves me and likes me too, and I adore him. I am lucky to have him in my life, I do know that for sure. I feel good about me and don't feel as stressed anymore about losing weight and watching and waiting. I just feel more comfortable in my own skin. I trust more now. I am making good food choices and it feels great to have a bounce in my step now.

We have electricity...

Yeah... I'm so happy to have power back after 2 1/2 days without it. The storm that came into Oregon was windy, rainy and just plain nasty. Sunday we had 80-100 mile winds and it took out just about every one's power. The kids have not had school for the past 2 days because of the tree's down and no power. Tonight at last got finally got our electricity back. I went to the pool this morning before work so I could take a shower after 2 days. So I got in a swim before work today. We are in the country here so when the power is down so is our water, because we have a well.

So tonight I'm happy to be home with the fridge plugged back in, heater on, and running water.

:)

Candy Party...

Just a quick blog. I/we made it through having way to many boys over at our house all weekend. Just got rid of the last kid a few hours ago. After they left I cleaned and washed like a mad woman trying to get it in shape before I return to work tomorrow. There was way to much pizza, candy and ice cream in this house this weekend. There was 4 young men here so thank goodness it's all gone. I woke up Saturday morning and WOW. It looked like Willy Wonka came in and left all his candy wrappers everywhere. It was a candy party while I slept. They stayed up all night eating anything that they could find.

Anyway, $were now broke$, but they had a good old time for Jon's 14th birthday.

I am down 1.5 this week. So I am at 185.5. Feeling more patients these days and more at ease. Which feels good. I was so so so stressed a few months back wondering if this or anything will ever help me lose weight. I believe now I will be healthy. I feel so much better with losing one hundred pounds @ this point I just can't explain it and put it into words.

It did snow here Saturday and then melted by 10am. It now has rained about 2 inches here since Saturday morning. And by Monday night were going to get that much more again. It has been blowing, and very wet and windy here today. After midnight tonight (Sunday) we are going to get hurricane force winds. They are talking 90-100mph winds at the ocean, and I live 14 miles from the ocean by car. Think we might get blown away tonight??? We still have power and I am amazed, we always lose our power during storms. The night isn't over yet.

Until later friends...