159

I did a little dance with my 14 year old son this morning. Jumping around the kitchen up and down. Jonathan told me "i was crazy", "why are you jumping in the kitchen mom"? My scale said 159.9 this morning. Hell Yes!

March Weight Loss Totals...

WoW... I will miss the great feeling you get when you step on the scale and your down again. I will just have to replace that feeling with the things I can do now that I couldn't before. Before I found my self sitting on the side lines, not going along, not participating because of my weight. That is why it is so important to me to get my hip as healthy and strong as I can. I'm tired of watching. I am giving this next month my all and working hard on exercise and my PT. I will be swimming at least Mon/Wed/Fri and right after swimming I set my physical therapy appts. My hip will be warmed up from swimming and it will be a good time to stretch it and set my appts up. I went to the hospital yesterday and they x-rayed my hip.

I got my one year blood work yesterday at last. All is good! My white blood cell count was down just a bit, but he told me I could of been getting sick or something. Everything else was perfect. HDL, LDL, total cholesterol was all great. We will pull blood again in 2 months to track it, but he was not concerned.


March's loss
started March weighing 168.4
end March weighing 161.2
March total= 7.2
3.2 more pounds till my goal
129.8 pounds lost in 13 months

when I write that down I can't believe it! WoW

LIFE IS GOOD! jobless and I have a cold right now. We can thank my son for sharing with me.

Overall things feel good in my life and I'm happy for that. :)

PT part 2...

I went to my first physical therapy appointment today. He massaged and stretched my hip muscles and did a evaluation. He wants to do an x-ray of the hip before he forces it to much to make sure. He did tell me that in all his years he has been doing PT he has never seen anyone with a froze up hip like mine. But on the plus side the 45 minutes is stretched out my muscles I did have more range of motion when he was done. We worked on my posture too and bringing my shoulders back and learn how not to limp and make my whole core stronger. Just from me focusing on my posture and bring my shoulders back I have less of a limp. After my appointment he was encouraged with the range of motion he saw after he worked on me. He thinks he can get those muscles to relax and then will strengthen those muscles. But he did tell me "I'm like a puzzle and I've never seen anyone with a froze hip like yours, your making me think". LOL I am happy with my appointment and I'll do what ever he tells me to do because I want my hip back!

That's it... A better me!

physical therapy

I start PT tomorrow for my hip. I am so excited to think that someday I won't be limited or as limited by this left hip of mine. I've lost mobility in my left hip. I can't even hardly get my left sock on, I can't cross my left leg, it stops me from walking because of the pain. It's just sad. I know if I don't use it I'm going to lose it even more, and I've already lost it enough. The pain in my ankle and hip is WAY better since losing 130 pounds, but I do not have to live with this limited pain if I can help it and I want to help myself be better. It has stopped me from moving long enough and I'm scared if I don't make it feel better I won't want to move it as I age and moving is what is going to keep me healthy for the rest of my life. So I pray this will teach me what to do to re strengthen those muscles so my hip does not pop out of place anymore. So my plan is to swim before PT to warm my body up and then plan PT right after a swimming and a shower. I'm sure I'll be sore from working it but hope it's the good sore and I can make it stronger!

YEAH!

FYI- I've limped for years and years (20+) from a car wreak that broke my ankle. Which is also limited but that's because of the break and how it healed. My ankle does not cause me the same pain as my hip these days. My whole core is out of place when my hip needs set/popped and every move SUCKS some days. So since I've limped for years and favored it my hip for the past 4 years gets worse and worse and I have less and less mobility.

100 Way Wednesday

100 ways losing weight has changed my life...


Sign Gurl (http://www.signgurl.blogspot.com/) started this last Wednesday on her blog. She is going to add the changes in her life since WLS and the things she are thankful for. She asked for others to join along and I thought it would be fun and give me time to think of the positive changes in my life too for the next 10 weeks. So each Wednesday I will post 10 new positive changes in my life. I don't want to ever forget what it is like to be obese.

1. I can stand up now after taking a bath and get out of the tub without getting on my knees and pushing myself up.
2. I can get up off the floor now with our struggling and hurting.
3. I have not taken an Advil, Tylenol, or any pain meds in 14 months now.
4. I’ve got way more energy! I've got energy to get through the entire day.
5. I have an extra bounce in my step.
6. I don’t feel like people are staring or trying not to make eye contact with me now.
7. I feel pretty, something I’ve never felt.
8. I wear size 8 jeans!
9. I weigh less now than I ever have in my life. I’m sure I passed 160 by when I was very, very young. I don’t even remember.
10. My seat belt in my car in not full extended and tight anymore.

JOIN ALONG ON YOUR BLOG EACH WEDNESDAY AND SHARE THE THINGS YOUR HAPPY AND THANKFUL FOR...

_________________________________________________________________

Just a FYI on the job hunting. The little grocery store wanted someone 40 hours a week. So while I am not working I've decided it's time to take care of me. I'm going swimming this morning and heading right into physical therapy to get that started up for me. I am at a plautu right now and I know I need to step things up a bit to get off these last few pounds.

*weight this morning 164.0.

*6 pounds to go until my goal of 158.

Carnie Wilson

In 1999, Carnie Wilson famously underwent gastric bypass surgery to cut 150 lbs. off her 300-lb. frame. Her struggle with her weight wasn't over, though, as she gained back the pounds carrying daughter Lola, now 2. But after a stint on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club, Carnie shed another 22 lbs. That was two years ago. Now, a month away from her 40th birthday, Carnie weighs 208 lbs. and wears a size 16. Opening up to OK!, the singer says she has hit "rock bottom" with her weight."Everyone can see that I'm bigger, but I cannot hibernate," she tells OK!. "I've never lied or been dishonest about what's going on in my life. Even all these years later, having had such a great weight-loss story, being back in this place is so familiar. And it hurts. I don't want to feel this way anymore. It doesn't feel good when you have to struggle to get your pants on."The source of her tremendous weight gain is snacking. Since having her daughter, the former Wilson Phillips star says she turned all her focus on her little girl, leaving little to no attention to her weight or diet."I had anxiety, started snacking and gained it all back and more," she says. "I have a weakness when it comes to snacking. For me, it's a tortilla with cheese, popcorn and graham crackers, all in one night."Now Carnie is determined to get back into shape -- and get pregnant."I'd like to lose 45 to 50 pounds and then try to get pregnant again. I know I will do it! I don't consider myself a failure. I just got off track."
________________________________________________

This is what scares me the most. She is still beautiful, but this terrifies me. I have to deal with or come to terms with what made me fat for my future. Eat my emotions, what ever the hell I was doing all those years. I have to learn more about me and be honest. I understand this surgery is a tool and i still control what I put into my mouth.

I WON'T GO BACK!

Job less and interview...

OK, today is Monday. I went and dropped off my application at the local market. She told me the girl that does the hiring was out till Wednesday. So I put my face with my application, said hello and went on my way. I did go to the un employment office today to speak to them about my boss. They pretty much told me to contact the bureau of labor (BOLI). And it does sound like I might be eligible to receive un employment benefits because of what there doing. I have contacted the BOLI and should get the paperwork very soon. I will follow all the way through with that. I've worked there almost 4 years now and do you know I have never got a lunch break, maybe 4 times in 4 years. I never get a lunch or a break. Most of my shifts in 3 1/2 years have been 8+ hours long. I put in a claim for unemployment and told them the whole story. It will now be reviewed which all we know it will take awhile. I did turn in my keys today to the witch and told her "I can not adhere to that schedule, and this is not over". And walked out! All this was not worth $8.50 per hour. I'm done!

Well guess who just called me back? The local market. I do have a interview at 3pm tomorrow. Before the employment office can review this I will have found another job. I'm sure of it. I just hope there looking for part time and it's something that I can work out and keep some money coming in. I will follow through with the Bureau of Labor and an attorney. As this whole thing is and was wrong!

So for today Shrinking Susy is jobless... I do know I did the right thing and did what I had to do. But I was not going to eat shi* anymore. It's already been more than I should of taken and her knowing that I told the truth through a letter and working with her was to much. And last week I did 24 hours working under her and her knowing the truth. I've heard somewhere that "good guys always finish last". But me being one of the good guys I SAY "what comes around, goes around"! I'm ok with all of this. Wishing kind of that I could take the next month off and work on me! I really want to do physical therapy for my hip and swim more, but I can probably work that out if I could just get a job that lets me know what days I work. I've worked the last four years with my schedule switching from week to week and never knowing what day's all work. It hard when you need to make an appointment.

It's a little sad, but it's all ok!

Job opening...

I went to my local grocery store last night to get some vinegar so we could get the drain to un clog from our shower. Yes, to unclog my shower drain and not for Easter eggs. LOL Working at the video store I have made several new contacts as customers and I know a lot of people because it is a small town/city. Anyway, they told me to come in Monday morning and show my face with my application and turn it in right away. Hey getting a job in my town would be a plus. I live in a town of 1000 people. There is one grocery store, gas station, bank, and laundry mat, pub, and a restaurant in my small town. I go into Newport for shopping, work and such. It would be so cool to work one mile down the road and not have to drive everyday. So well see... Maybe I don't have to eat her shit tomorrow evening and wash windows in the rain and in the dark outside like she threatened me. I will be going to my interview tomorrow on my way to the EMP office to get advice about how much I have to take concerning harassment from her.

Grr...

All this shit with my job is getting old really quick. Went by the store yesterday and she even removed the cedar planters of mine that Derrel made me so I could have some flowers in front of the store. There back home now. She is throwing any punch to get me to quit. Anything that might get me fired up or upset she has thrown at me this week. Friday the board of labor called me back and they are mailing me the paperwork I need to fill out to start a complaint. They could give me no advice about how much shit to eat and how long I have to take her harassment and told me to call a lawyer. I have a call in, but that too will take sometime. I had someone leave me a comment about recording her now. Jeez... I know I need proof... Grr All this shit is not worth a stupid min wage job. But just so she won't win I will follow through and eat shit as long as I can. I don't want to get rich, I just was trying to do the right thing and I could not stand to watch her steal time, lie, any longer. I am going into the EMP office on Monday just to see if they can direct me at all. How much shit do I have eat before I don't have to work there anymore. Just trying to buy a few more days by working Monday night and following through and giving the DM time to do something. But they will probably all stick together and nothing will happen. As you can tell I am in distress about this stupid situation. Just a little part time job that I did like at one point in my life and I'm losing it cause of some stupid bitch. Guess you just wish someone would come to you and say "thank you" for looking out for us, and "good job". But I do hear "good guy's always finish last"!

On the weight issue. I'm down a bit this week. I'm at 162. Just doing the plateau thing and bouncing around. I would love to get started on physical therapy for my hip but now is not the time... soon I hope.

HAVE A GREAT EASTER FRIENDS! ENJOY YOUR FAMILY and watch out for that sneaky candy... :)

Tense Tuesday

Well another day at my job. Tuesday was a great day. Full of bullshit, lies, laughter, anger, joy... Let me share. I will try really hard not to make this a novel and keep it short. I'd say I am very proud of myself. I stood up to her yesterday and I'm not so sure I would of done that 13 months ago. Why would my fat keep me from standing up? I'm not sure I know that answer, except I felt scared someone might notice me. Still thinking on that one. Anyway to my story...

My boss came in 2 hours late yesterday. No biggy, I was glad to be there by myself and not having to share the tense day with her again. She shows at noon and let me know first that the trip I have planned to LA in late April (to visit the surgeon that worked on my mom last Nov. when she shattered her shoulder there while on vacation there) on my usually day's off (thursday and friday's) will not happen, I will be scheduled, and it does not fit her needs, so I can't go. 2 minutes later she let me know that when I show up for work on Monday night to bring my rain coat as I will be outside washing the windows in the dark. Can you believe it. So we had it out a few times that day again. I will be working all nights now and all weekends she told me. I do not needed you during the day anymore. So my schedule will be nights and weekends from now on. It's really irking her that I won't quit and she keeps throwing things at me trying to get me to blow. She started going on and on about my hubby sending some letter. Not even sure where that came from except the return address label or e mail address????? She kept going on about Derrel. I said "Shawna, I'm the one that put my name on that letter, I signed and sent that letter, why would Derrel even care, he doesn't work here". She asked why I couldn't come talk to her. I said "you'll lie again". She went on to tell me I've called in sick a lot lately, I don't work holidays blah blah blah. She told me I called in sick over milk not to long ago as a example as that's all she had because I don't call in. 4 years I've called in 3 times and one of those times my son was in the hospital after having some heart surgery. It's bullshit. I laughed at her and said "Shawna I am 13 months post op now, I didn't eat food for the first two weeks and then started new foods in my diet. That was the first time I tried milk after surgery that was almost a year ago (last march/april), that's all you got? I called one Monday morning and asked if she could do without me as I was sick and up all night. Pissed her off I laughed, but I could not help it. She told me yesterday that the DM does not care about my letters and they are being returned to me un opened. Didn't believe her and for good reason. I called my home phone number and checked my messages on my lunch. The DM had called my house and left his number. After lunch the DM just happened to call and speak to my boss. He asked me if this was Susy L**? "Yes, sir". He let me know he had called my home and got my 2nd e mail I sent yesterday morning again and wanted to know if this was a good time to talk. "No sir, I am at work and now would not be a good time to speak as I have customers to take care of". We made a phone meeting at 6pm Tuesday night, after work, from my home. I did speak to him yesterday for 6 minutes or so. He asked me what is most concerned me. The whole letter concerns me but the clocking in for hours and not being in the store is wrong and happens all the time. She is doing personal business and just staying on the clock all the time. He pretty much told me he can't just have "hear say". I have been making notes and printing things out of the puter for a few months now. I have the proof. I should of kept records before I did start but I did have 5 times since Dec. that she was on the clock for hours and not in the store. I let him know my letter in a whole is factual and can be investigated. Last night I spent a couple of hours scanning him my proof and facts and e mailed those to him. He told me I did the right thing and he cared about his job and will look at what I have. I let him know my schedule has never been a problem for almost 4 years now until she received news a few days ago concerning a letter that had been written to the DM concerning her performance. I have no question in my mind that I am being punished by my store manager and being forced out of MG. Let him know about the evil things she was throw at me the last 2 days. He laughed and chuckled and could not believe she said that to me. I did thank him and said to him "thank you for looking into the facts sir- THAT'S ALL I ASKED FOR".

Now what to do... I am thinking really hard on Amber's comment and sucking it up and working nights for 2 weeks. But the DM did tell me he can't promise me only days. Understood. But, the facts still are my hubby drives at night and I have a son at home. Do I suck it up to see what happens and plays out there. Do I move on and know I did the right thing? I don't know what to do now or how I'm going to work it out with my son and nights. Maybe it's time for a change? I'm tired of explaining my weight loss, maybe I should move on, a fresh start might be good for me. I am going to LA in late April with my mom to see my brother and take her back to the surgeon. Paid for and I'm going with her! If I work next Monday night that buys me 4 more days to see how things play out as I am not on the schedule until that next Friday night from 5pm to midnight. Jeez, being a mom my life starts at 5am in the morning regardless of me not getting to bed till 2. Grr. It is indeed a hostel work environment. Not sure if I should go to the employment office or what to do. I need to call Derrel's sister's husband as he is a lawyer.

Sorry that just turned into a novel, but that's just a piece of my day. If anyone has any idea, comments, please share. My schedule has taken a turn upside down from the last 4 years. In 4 years I have never closed the store and was hired knowing I could not work most nights. She is being rude, un kind, mean, trying to do anything to get me to quit and bitchy. But is that enough to have something? Please talk to me guys if you have anything to share.
??????

It went down...

Well people... When I went into work yesterday I grabbed my schedules for the next two weeks. Well guess who is being forced to quit my job because of my honesty regarding the letters I sent in Feb. ME!!! (want to read my letter, it's dated 2/4/08, titled "I did it" on my blog here) So I look at the schedules and I am on the night shift for the next two weeks. I have been at my job for almost 4 years now. When I started there I let them know my hubby works nights, I have a boy at home and I need a part time daytime job. That has been the way it has been now for 4 years. Understood that I don't work nights because of my strong will not to leave my son home alone to get into trouble or eat dinner alone. I'm trying to bring in some money and make it work with Derrel's schedule. So while having it out yesterday with my boss before we opened she tells me "I will follow her scheduling or quit". She did slip once and told me that she knows of a certified letter that was mailed. But shut up as soon as it came out of her mouth. She asked me yesterday before we opened if I quit. "NO, I won't quit, you will write me off the schedule", I said, I will not work nights. She will not write me off the schedule, but only changed it to one I can not adhere to, and they will fire me. I am on the schedule for the next two weeks from 6pm to 12am. I can't, I won't and I guess she won. WoW... I can't believe it. How can this all be ok with the company, I don't get it. She is a damn good liar I'd say. But so much of my letter was facts and how they can just turn there head is something I don't understand. So after our blowout that morning we worked together all day. We didn't speak to each other all day and was very tense. Once again I work with her today all day... Another joyful day! Yippee I did call the DM as she told me to call him on my own time and he was Ok with all the changes. He was busy, we spoke for 2 min. He told me he would return my call at home last night, which he did not do. Not surprised! I e-mailed him again this morning to make sure my point is heard loud and clear. I do not care so much if I go (well, yes I do... I do the right thing and she keeps her job) but her staying just irks me to no end.

My favorite saying... WHAT COMES AROUND, GOES AROUND.

Jelly Beans...

Evil little wabbit...

I picked up one bag of jelly beans last night at the grocery store. Big mistake... I felt pretty good till I ate a hand full and in about 20 minutes I felt tired, shaky, gassy and my tummy was making terrible nosies. I had to lay down for a bit this afternoon till it passed. I just can't handle straight sugar like this most of the time. So the evil sugar got me again.

So don't buy the peeps, jelly beans or Cadbury cream eggs, or chocolate that comes with Easter. I did and I should of just left the little suckers at the store. Who was the idiot that decided candy and holidays should be one in the same. It's all about the candy? WTF Each holiday has it's SPECIAL candy.

And it does not make me feel special anymore... LOL

FYI: Melting Mama says's the sugar free peeps suck. If you want to see a disturbing/funny sugar free peep show review click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaBmyKdyTdA

Dr. Visit...

I went to my primary Dr. yesterday for my one year check up. His scale matches mine which is good. I weighed in yesterday at my Dr. and at home @ 164. His nurses and staff were amazed and did not even recognize me. I was just telling my hubby that morning "that sometimes I get tired of all the questions and explaining and the oos's and aw's". Derrel told me "no your not, you love it". Yes I love the oo's from him! I just get tired of explaining myself all the time. Then we went to the Dr. and the nurses started Oohing and Awing and Derrel looked at me and said "that must get kind of old after while, your right". LOL The one reason is I work in retail and everyone has known me there for years and if they haven't seen me in awhile there like "holly shit". So I just find myself explaining my story over and over while I'm at work. No biggie, just was making a comment to my hubby. My Dr. appt went great. My BMI went from 46 to 25 in one year. My blood pressure 116 over 67. GREAT. My blood work will be back in a day or two. I talked to the Dr about my hip pain also. I broke my ankle years (20+) ago in a car accident and now it has limited mobility and has for years. Because of my limp for 20 years my hip now in the past 4 years feels like it out of place and my hubby is my chiropractor. When I am in alignment I feel great and have no pain. But when my left hip is our of place it hurts pretty bad still some days. It feel just like when you need to pop your knuckles or you have a pinched nerve and has this non stop ache and pain in my left hip. It is much better after losing 130 pounds... but still bothers me from day to day. I want to be able to put my sock on again with out struggle and go for walks without hurting. Something is going on with it and I want to feel better and figure out what's wrong. After all these years I have lost movement/mobility in my hip also. It's kind of sad and I want to make it stronger before I lose it all together. He wrote me one month of physical therapy for my left hip and well go from there. Swimming always makes my hip feel better. He wants me to strengthen those muscles along with my back muscles. Now I just have to see if my health insurance will pay for PT and figure out when I can make the appts work with my schedule. If insurance won't pay for PT.... I'm screwed. We pay over 1000 a month for family health insurance and it is killing us each month. My health insurance would not even cover WLS for myself. It's a crime and making us broke each month. We have health insurance but still can't afford to see the Dr when we need to. In America we need to learn to take care of our own first. Some one has got to take a stand and provide Americans with health care. Poor, rich, young, old we all should have the right to go to the Dr. And lordy the price of gas. In Oregon yesterday it was $3.45 a gallon and the price of diesel was $3.85.

Goal weight: 158

4 more pounds to go till my goal

weight this morning was 162.0

New clothes...

Measurements

We went to the Goodwill store Friday while we were running around town. Sometimes I just love that store. Sometimes I find nothing and other time I score good deals. I tried on 3 pair of size 8 pants. 2 of which fit perfect. I think that is so cool I can get into size 8 pants. It is beyond what I ever thought would happen for myself. One pair is for work. (Yes I still work at the video store and NO I have heard nothing on the letters I sent to corporate about my lieing, stealing boss. ?Can you believe that? Guess they don't care!) Anyway, the second pair were jeans. I really like them and the best part is they cost $5.99 and there size 8. Also got a couple of shirts. In the past 2 weeks I've got to get a lot of things for myself. I've waited and waited to get new things and final letting go of some money for new clothes. I got new underwear and a new bra, several shirts, two pair of jeans, socks. Hm sounds like I need new shoes and a new purse now too huh. LOL I got to clean out my underwear drawer and get rid of all my underwear that don't even kind of fit anymore. They were funny big! I going to spend sometime Monday finishing going through my closet and finishing taking my old clothes to the consignment shop. I have a few more things I can try to get a few bucks out of. It's been a great way of getting a few new things for myself. I take my clean, pretty, cool pants and tops to her store and then go back there in a few weeks and I have credit to get new/used things from her racks. Has not been a lot of money but it's better then tossing them out or giving them away. It's all helping when I need a new pair of pants or something cause nothing fits.

I took my measurements today so I thought I would put them down.

BEFORE
boobs- 49
belly button- 53
hips- 57

MARCH 08
boobs- 36
belly button- 35
hips- 39

that is:
-13 inches off my boobs
-18 inches off my belly button
-18 inches off my hips.
weight this morning was 164.0

I go to the Dr. Thursday for my one year check up and blood work. It will be a few days and well see what the tests show. All is great, I'm sure. I feel so so so so good. I feel alive and it's great!

5 pounds to go...

Scale said 163.8 this morning. At last it moved again. I have slowed down and not losing as much weight, but I know I can work off this last 5 pounds and maybe a bit more. 5 more pounds to go till I get to my goal of 158! That sounds so good. Anything past that I will be thrilled. I still can't believe this is happening to me and I am so excited. Sometimes I just want to dance I'm so happy.

I do go to the Dr. next week for my one year check up and to do blood work, so I'll post those numbers when I hear back along with my measurements.

THAT'S ALL... just wanted to share! I'm almost there.

Start weight-291
Today's weight-163.8
=127.2 pounds gone!

Love is...

I got this cartoon today in Facebook & it made me crack up...

On the shopping note... I got 6 new shirts today and one pair of jeans. Sears had Levi's on sale but did not have my size. I tried on the 12's and they were big. So I kept looking and I found a pair of 10's a Kohl's and bought them. I had tried on the 12's at Sears and they were big so I thought the 10's would be perfect. Yeah new jeans, I'm excited! And even better there size 10's. Well I got home and put them on. There really to big to keep. There baggy in the front of my legs already. Un FREAKING believable. I'm to small to wear ten's in Levi's. I can not just hold up clothes and guess if it will fit me anymore. Because what I think is to small is not and it fit's fine. I thought several times today that this shirt is going to be to tight and will not fit, but it did. I can't size up what fit's me anymore or I can't believe it. Anyway I found a few shirts and I'll take back the Levi's and get SIZE 8's next time were in town.

Size 8's I said... LOL :)