making excuses...

Tomorrow is the 1st of the month. I've been taking photos the top of each month, so I'll be adding a new photo this week. My step mom is coming this Thursday for a day visit so I will take pictures then and post them this weekend. I don't see the changes in myself, but when I see the photos each month it does help me to see what I have trouble seeing from day to day.

I found someone to go swimming with. A new friend from the farmers market came into my store yesterday. We started talking and she just started swimming that day in the water exercise class I've been going to. She knows she will start making excuses (as we all do) and is afraid she won't go, and really wants to keep moving. I told her to call me! I would love to have a buddy to count on as it would get my butt in gear with the excuses and also make me accountable too. So my mom is coming on Thursday but she won't be here till 11am. So were meeting at the pool this Thursday @ 8am. I think that's great! I wasn't going to go because I needed to sweep, and clean before my company... Bull... I need to go to the pool I have plenty of time before she shows, and who cares if my house isn't totally clean, she's here to see me not how clean my house is. YEAH !!!

Monday... blahs

Well I was going to go swimming today, but I have to go into work today to cover as my boss in sick I hear. So I'm heading out the door and I get off @ a 6:30. Long day with no lunch or breaks. But I'm not the only employee that doesn't get breaks @ all with our job. Another busy week for us. As you read my son Jonathan has been gone for 5 days. He is home with no voice from screaming at all the concerts. He had a good time. Even the lady the dropped him off said to us "he sure did miss you guys". That's because were always together as a family. We don't leave Jonathan alone or unsupervised ever. Glad to hear he missed us, cause we sure did miss him. Glad he is home! He got to met Toby Mac and touch him so he was thrilled.

Life has been so busy this summer. Jeez work, work, work... We have Derrels brothers kids coming this weekend from Thursday to Monday. And there dog pickles. Oh boy... My step mom is coming for a visit this Thursday I believe. She is going to call me tonight and let me know. It will be nice to see her, so I hope she is able to come for a day visit.

Well off for another busy week... I peeked again today (at the scale) I'm down to 227. :) With all I've done with working out, sweating, and starving in the past years I have never been able to get below 220, and I'm almost there.

Down in my 220's now... :)

Well I am @ 229.2 this week. Yeah! 3.8 pounds this week for me. For a total of 62 pounds so far. About 1/2 way to my goal that I have set for myself.

Were going to a wedding today @ 4pm after the Farmers Market in town. Busy day today. Wish we had nothing to do and Derrel and I could spend the day just alone. Jonathan has been gone this week and we have been so busy with work, and our business that we haven't even got to cuddle yet. Tomorrow we are skipping the farmers market as I asked Derrel if we could let them know we won't be there in advance. He let the market manger know 2 weeks ago that we were taking Sunday off to spend the day together. Thinking we will go for a ride, picnic, walk as we love the forest here in Oregon. So since we don't get there as much as we used to we will get out a bit and spend the day together. Looking forward to it...

Going to a wedding today. My weight will still stop me from dancing. Be glad when my size doesn't control my days. I will still be to embarrassed to dance at my size, or fear, which ever. The skinny girl in me is dying to come out. LOL Thinking about wearing a dress, but don't think I will look good so think I'm going with pants to be safe.

Well that's it... Have a good weekend all!

Swimming...

I went swimming today... Felt good and she gave us a good workout. I will go tomorrow morning too. Now I'm off to clean my house. No men home today... Aw I love them, but alone time is nice, even if your cleaning... :)

My Strange Day

Well I had a strange day @ work today. Had a raccoon in my store today. Yup a raccoon. A customer came in today with a raccoon on her shoulders. She found him and is trying to tame him and has made it her pet. I've never had a raccoon in my store before. That was strange, but cute. Then I had this weirdO call and ask if he could buy some movies. Told him that I can't special order movies anymore. He gave me a few title names, and I told him he needed to call down the road to the adult video store we can't help him here. He proceeded to tell me about the movies and used really graphic words while talking about the movies he wanted to order and how hot it made him, like I cared to hear that. Talk about customer service.... Jeez I talked to Tracie (co worker) about it and she got the same phone call, same questions, and so on last night. Weird O

I've had 4-6 people this week ask me if I'm losing weight all of a sudden. Only a few people have said something. One lady asked me if I had changed my hair. LOL All of a sudden people are becoming brave enough to ask about my weight loss. Everyone that has asked I have told them about my WLS. I let a lot of them know that surgery is just a tool for me. Some I share more info than others. Also had 2 men tell me my eyes were a pretty green color. LOL Never said anything before and I've worked there 3+ years. Must be the hair... LOL

I'm hoping Saturday's weigh in I will be in my 220's. Looking forward to being under 200, but I'm ready to move on down into the 20's.

I'll blog later...

Creation 07

Well my little boy is going to WA today to Creation Fest 07 http://www.creationfest.com/nw/ . Guess he's not so little anymore. Jonathan is 13, almost 14 now. Wow. I'm getting old... :( Anyway, he is off to George WA to a christian music festival through the weekend with friends from church. Some of the bands he is looking forward to rocking out too are Switchfoot, Skillet, Newsboys, Reliant Cave, Hawk Nelson, Toby Mac, Red Day of Fire, just lots of bands. He saved all winter long for this trip with friends. And he has been talking about it just about forever. He paid for half of the ticket ($50) himself and has saved $99.00 dollars to take with him for stuff. He also earned money to get his first cell phone. That way I can at least talk to him some this year. It will be strange not to have him here this week. Jonathan is pretty much always with us. We like friends to come over to our house rather then send him away and so on. He will have a blast, but as a mommy I will miss him! Well I'll think of the positive, we can run around naked for the next 4-5 days! :) LOL

Otherwise all is good. Just been working. I will check in later this week.

Have a good one!

Rain, rain, go away...

Well it's raining here today. Our family is not doing the farmers market today as it's a yucky day outside. I want to go shopping @ Costco, but Derrel wants to stay home and work on cedar planters for D and S Greenhouses. That's ok, I got my hubby to come inside yesterday early and we watched a movie together. It was nice, been sometime since we have had the time to just hang out and cuddle. The farmers market sales have been going really good for us this year. So good Derrel can't keep up with keeping enough planters or special orders. He' doing a great job, but taking a lot of his time. So that's exciting as were going to make this work for our family. Maybe soon enough he can give up his day job of driving and just be my farmer. :)

Anyway, not to much new to report. I've been stuck last week with my weight, just one of those weeks. Got on this morning and I'm down 231, so I can only hope it's moving again. We have a wedding to go to next Saturday so I thought I better try on the few dresses I have to make sure they fit before next Saturday. My 2 dresses from our wedding fit and even better then they did in 2002. That was cool!

Well that's it... Not a lot new...

:)

Changes in the past 5 months...

Well Saturday is my 5 months since surgery. I'm basically at 60 pounds lost so far. I've talked to several of my litter mates from the same surgery date as myself. All the girls seem to be doing good. 2 of them have lost 80+ pounds so far, and 3 of us are right around 60 pounds lost. Still lots of struggles for many of us as our Dr. did not bypass our head and the games we play with our minds or habits. I am not the only one that feels like this, and having someone to share with is nice. So thanks Karen for supporting me and being my new friend! It's always good to hear from you! Since yesterday's blog I've been thinking... Trying to figure out my head, happiness, and find peace with all of this. It was suggested to me that I write down the positive changes I am feeling and seeing in the past few months and maybe that would help me feel the changes if I write them down.

Here are my facts:

• I am smiling more, and feeling better about myself (most days).
• I have not had to take anything for pain. (no Tylenol, Advil, nothing) before it was hard to make it through a work day or any day without it.
• I down 60 pounds in 5 months.
• Down from size 24 to size 18/20.
• My body does not hurt & ache as bad as it did.
• I've got exercising back in my life.
• Not feeling deprived or starving after a meal is great. I feel satisfied now, before meals, during the day, after a meal. It's different now.
• I am able to do more physically and not feeling as pooped at the end of the day.

I'm not really good at this... LOL Maybe that the problem. I talked to one of my friends yesterday @ work about my feelings. They all think I'm doing great. I think It's going slow. I've wished to be skinny and healthy my whole life, it's something I've never had. My weight through out the years has stopped or limited me my WHOLE life. I want it now. I know that is silly, but I don't want to be the fat girl anymore. I want my life back NOW! The changes are coming, just slower than I want them to. And that is my own patients, and I need to be happy with were I AM AT. I did this surgery for many reasons. Not just to be skinny. I was scared at how I would feel at 50, if I felt this shitty some days at 39. I knew what my future held with my body if I stayed obese. Both my parents died in there 50's and that is to young to lose your life. I have one boy and I don't want to leave him here all alone with no mom. I miss my parents so much and wish I had them to share my life with. I want to be a grandma, and be here and enjoy being part of his life when he is a young man with his own family. Well not sure if that helped or not, just something to think on. I just have to think positive. I have a great husband that I love very much. I am lucky to have him in my life.

I'm not a pitiful as I sound, just working through the changes...

Just Blah...

Just thought I'd check in before I head to work today. It's raining and dark & I want to go back to bed and sleep in. :(

I going to go to the pool tomorrow morning. I have not been in the past 2 weeks. I do have Thursday and Friday off so I will be there those 2 days. I did pull out the scale today and no loss yet for the week. I've had salad the last 2 days and eating good, but nothing... Even after surgery I still fight some of the same battles as I did before surgery. Head games is a big one for me. I'm sitting here feeling bad for what I ate yesterday... Why, I'm not sure??? I did nothing wrong, do I just want to beat myself up or what's this all about?

Yesterday I had:

*My protein drink with soy milk and fiber

*1/2 can of spaghetti O's

*6 Ritz crackers

*Salad with 3oz of chicken. The salad had all kinds of veg's on it. Tomato's, carrots, celery, one egg, cucumbers with Italian dressing.

My meals are nothing like before (not even close). So why am I second guessing myself? Self doubt is ONE of the reason's I failed my whole life at successful weight loss. I don't like the way it feels... When I feel like this I just need to talk myself through it. I JUST WANT TO BE SKINNY for once in my life and I'm inpatient some days. Ok I'm done...

Just one of those days.

Big Pants

My sister in law sent me these pictures today. I'm sure she has not even posted them on her blog yet. Barb's blog is @ http://barbswls.blogspot.com/ check it out, she is a great writer and has a great blog. Barb has worked so hard. She used the surgery as a tool to achieve her goals. Exercising hard, walking, jogging, and just plain getting on with life and living it to the fullest. Jogging isn't even fair to say. She running in marathons now. I'm proud of her and I had to share. WOW

143 pounds lost

BMI now @ 24

GREAT JOB BARB!

Movie Time...

Going to the movies today to see the new Harry Potter movie after we work @ the Farmers Market. Yeah :)

Stepped on the scale again today (imagine that). At least today is Saturday, my day to step on the scale. Well I'm down 3 + pounds this week. I am @ 232.4, and @ 49% to my goal. That is 1.4 from 60 pound mark since surgery. I'm so close... I put up that scale and put it in the closest where it hiding away from me, myself and I. I'll check in with my scale next Saturday and not everyday.

I did go get a pedicure yesterday. That is my 2nd one ever. I have a customer that is going through beauty school or I went to the beauty collage which made it cheaper for me. I've decided to spoil my self as I'm not spending money on anything right now. So that was nice yesterday. Those pants I bought last week for work at the 2nd hand store are way to big to wear. So I am still in jeopardy of losing my pants at work. I can't find any tan pants in my small town @ the 2nd hand stores. Need to go to the valley (city) and look I guess. My belt is also on it's last hole so I need a new belt too.

Well need to be busy, and get out the door. Just wanted to check in.

I'll blog later...

Thursday

Just checking in... All is well and good around my homestead. Been a busy week with working, running around, but today is my Friday! Well kind of, as we do the Farmers Markets on the weekends, but that's different than punching a time clock.


I've been stepping on that stupid scale again. Pushed it aside the other day into the corner so it would be not so easy to get too. I don't want to become obsessed with that scale. And stepping on it each morning feels obsessive to me. So because I've been on the scale I know that I am so so so close to 60 pounds gone. I still have a long ways to go, but I'm just about 1/2 way to my goal. My short term goal is to weigh less then my husband, and I'm 20 pounds or so from that. And that will be a first. Every girl should weigh less than there husband. And I'm am very excited to be under 200 pounds, that will be a great feeling when that goal is met.


Everything else is dandy. Eating good this week. Salads, tuna, protein drinks, turkey, cheese, chicken, cottage cheese. Eating foods that "work" for me just make me feel better all the way around. I do notice a difference in how I feel. I did buy 2 cans of spaghetti O's this week. Funny huh, I love them. One can makes 2 meals and I enjoy them more than anything else I eat sometimes. There is nothing in them, there not good for me nutrition wise, but I love em.

Saturday's weigh in

I'm down 2 more pounds this week. So I got that pound off I gained last week plus one. Ok, this week I'm not going to try anything new. Going to stick to tuna, cottage cheese, and fish. Those foods make me feel the best and seem to be health for my body. Still need to work on getting more to drink. I've never been one to drink a lot of fluids through out the day, but I need to work and think about it more. I've been drinking SF Kool-Aid and water, I just need to take in more.


We had our BBQ last night as the other evening our burgers hit the dirt on the 4th. I bought 15% lean hamburger as 20% kind of had to much fat in it last time I tried it. It kind of went right through me when the beef had 20% fat. Had 3oz of hamburger (no bread) with cheese, couple of sliced pickles, 2 tomato slices and I had a few baked beans. Beans with sugar... Only ate a few, but boy does sugar give me the toot's after surgery.

I've been dreaming of coffee. Can't seem to get it off my mind. I need to find something with caffeine as I miss it sometimes. Going to buy some iced tea today at Wal Mart. My Dr. really advices that we don't drink coffee as the acids in coffee are not good for your tummy. I've been coffee free and caffeine free since the day before surgery and I miss you........ LOL

BBQ in the dirt

I worked on the 4th. My hubby worked here on the farm. I came home did my floors, mopped, toilets, did all the laundry, all after work. The list goes on. I got a lot done. Anyway, later in that evening we had talked about doing our first BBQ of the year. Got the propane, went to the store before work, were ready. I sliced tomato's, pickles, did baked beans, corn, hamburgers, hot dogs. Well... Derrel was just about done cooking, he was messing with the tin foil and the burgers hit the deck. I said "guess were going out"... So I cleaned up, put everything back into the fridge, saved the burgers for the dog. And before the fireworks we went out to dinner. Funnier now then yesterday.

I went to a 2nd hand shop today to look for a pair of work pants. As I am in jeopardy of losing my pants @ work these days. I took in some of my old clothes and she took a few things to try to sell for me. I found one pair of work pants, they are size 20 Dockers. There too big. They will work for a month or so, and it's better then what I'm wearing right now. I'll be looking again and trying to find something cheap to get by in. I kept finding myself in the 1 & 2x and size 24 sections. That's kind of weird, but great that they don't fit anymore. 18's would of fit just fine if they would of had any.

OK that's my story for the 4th...

Hair

I've noticed this past week I've been losing some hair in the shower. Not much, but I do get a few hairs wrapped around my fingers in the shower now. Well just hope it's not much, but I do have plenty of hair so I can spare SOME. I take several vitamins each day.



I take:

• 1 fish oil
• 3 multi vitamins through out the day (morning, mid day, evening)
• 1 B-12
• 1 vitamin E
• and my prescribed medication for your gallbladder
  

At night I take

• another gallbladder pill
• 1 fish oil
• antioxidant
• 1 prilosec (recommended by my surgeon)
• take my 3rd multi vitamin for that day
  

Think I'm taking plenty of vitamins. I am pretty good about taking my recommended vitamins. I started making it a habit and it caught on. I don't take them on a empty stomach and I put them in my pocket if I haven't eaten. I do forget somedays. I tried taking zinc for hair loss before I had trouble and it make me sick 2 times. So I'm not doing zinc anymore. I had read that a lot about others have trouble taking zinc as it can make your tummy upset or crampy. It did me...

Later...