Changes in the past 5 months...

Well Saturday is my 5 months since surgery. I'm basically at 60 pounds lost so far. I've talked to several of my litter mates from the same surgery date as myself. All the girls seem to be doing good. 2 of them have lost 80+ pounds so far, and 3 of us are right around 60 pounds lost. Still lots of struggles for many of us as our Dr. did not bypass our head and the games we play with our minds or habits. I am not the only one that feels like this, and having someone to share with is nice. So thanks Karen for supporting me and being my new friend! It's always good to hear from you! Since yesterday's blog I've been thinking... Trying to figure out my head, happiness, and find peace with all of this. It was suggested to me that I write down the positive changes I am feeling and seeing in the past few months and maybe that would help me feel the changes if I write them down.

Here are my facts:

• I am smiling more, and feeling better about myself (most days).
• I have not had to take anything for pain. (no Tylenol, Advil, nothing) before it was hard to make it through a work day or any day without it.
• I down 60 pounds in 5 months.
• Down from size 24 to size 18/20.
• My body does not hurt & ache as bad as it did.
• I've got exercising back in my life.
• Not feeling deprived or starving after a meal is great. I feel satisfied now, before meals, during the day, after a meal. It's different now.
• I am able to do more physically and not feeling as pooped at the end of the day.

I'm not really good at this... LOL Maybe that the problem. I talked to one of my friends yesterday @ work about my feelings. They all think I'm doing great. I think It's going slow. I've wished to be skinny and healthy my whole life, it's something I've never had. My weight through out the years has stopped or limited me my WHOLE life. I want it now. I know that is silly, but I don't want to be the fat girl anymore. I want my life back NOW! The changes are coming, just slower than I want them to. And that is my own patients, and I need to be happy with were I AM AT. I did this surgery for many reasons. Not just to be skinny. I was scared at how I would feel at 50, if I felt this shitty some days at 39. I knew what my future held with my body if I stayed obese. Both my parents died in there 50's and that is to young to lose your life. I have one boy and I don't want to leave him here all alone with no mom. I miss my parents so much and wish I had them to share my life with. I want to be a grandma, and be here and enjoy being part of his life when he is a young man with his own family. Well not sure if that helped or not, just something to think on. I just have to think positive. I have a great husband that I love very much. I am lucky to have him in my life.

I'm not a pitiful as I sound, just working through the changes...