It's only been 2-3 weeks that I haven't been working. Now that the farmers markets are closed my job came to a end. Looking but not working. I hate that "looking" part. My job was physical and I sure can tell I'm not moving the same right now. Anyway... just in a few weeks I can already tell I'm getting thicker. Weight is the same (147-149) but the pants are fitting different already. That puts big fear in my head, crazy thoughts, worry and my mind races thinking of getting heavy again. I can't go buy a size 4 and fit into them a few times and grow out of them. It's crazy.
This is going to be a life long battle. I so wish I could spend my older years relaxing and not think about my weight all the time. But this is my battle and it may be tough sometimes but I have to get my head in the right places and relax some. I'm feeling obsessed with gaining weight back. It's either going to drive me nuts or I have to put on my "game" face and kick some ass. Now that it's almost 2 years since surgery for me I'm eating more, which now makes me feel guilty. I still make good decisions most of the time but I can't just sit here and eat good but not move and expect to stay in the 140's. That's
la la land and I have to get off my ass and make myself move and go to the pool or do something with cardio more often than I am doing at this time. I am going to the
pool here in a few minutes to my water exercise class. I've been slacking and not going as much. There is also a dance aerobics class @ 8:30 on M/W/F that I used to love years ago. Think I'll try that next week and see if she can kick my ass. The hard part seem to be getting out of bed and out the door at 7am and making the 25 minute drive as I live in the sticks.
Excuses, excuses. I made them my whole life and that's not who I want to be anymore. If I blow this I will really be depressed and very disappointed in myself to say the least. The other day a friend on Facebook added this quote and I liked it.
"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same"
So in my life time I've personally had enough miserable and sadness and I'm not going to let myself slide down the same path. So get off your ass Susy and make yourself proud.
Still learning...still growing :)
1 comment:
Susy- don't kick yourself so much. Dr. R. says that after all is said and done (after 2 years) we may gain back 10-20 pounds, but not more. Go about your life and don't worry unless something changes and the pounds start to creeo in beyond the point he says they should. You have made it so far, now it is time to move full speed ahead without a second thought on ever being obese again!
you look great. Keep being proud of your accomplishment.
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