How ya doing?

Just thought I'd check in and blog about how life is going 1 year, 8 months, 2 days later. Amber asked me this week in a comment about how my weight is going. For 5 months now I've just bounced between 145-148. Which is wonderful to me! My start weight was 294. 145 is not a number I thought would ever happen for me. I still weigh everyday, that has not changed. I can't look away anymore and I still can't believe I'm seeing that number on the scale. So I need to check in and keep in touch with myself. I don't let it control my mood anymore. I now know what I have to do forever. Cause still one bad meal and that scale moves up still. I will not return to being a prisoner in my own body anymore in my lifetime. I've lived that and I can't go back to that sad feeling. This morning I weighed in at 147.0. That's a 147 pound loss. Holly smokes. I'm living it I still can't believe it to this day. I started my journey in size 24 pants and XL shirts. Now I'm wearing size 4-6 pants and small and medium shirts. Everything in my life is different. When I walk I still can't get over the feeling of how light I feel on my feet, how I don't hurt with each step. At some point of each day I say "wow, is this really me"? Not just how I look, but most of all how I feel or the differences in how I feel moving. Some of it I can't even put into words. I sit here and type but can't find the words to express the weight off my shoulders and my body and how it feels inside and out. I still see myself as the same person. Inside I'm still Susy, outside I'm not sure who she is. I still don't always love what I see on the outside but I now can give myself a compliment or can take a compliment and except it now. As far as the extra skin... I don't care myself. Even if I was rich I most likely would not have plastic surgery. I've seen worse. I just say now that "I'm not fluffy anymore, I'm floppy". he he I'm not into the pain of plastics. When people get a total body lift I don't understand how being cut and having scars all around your body, up and down can and is any more attractive than extra skin. Cause as far as I'm concerned neither one is attractive. I hate the extra skin on my arms and the boobs really stink these days. Arm's I'll live with and the boobs I'll buy a really good bra and suck it up. I have a before picture in a swim suit I took for the doctor. Next week while I'm swimming I'll take a after shot in a swim suit. It won't be pretty but it's the truth. One thing I would like to change that I hope will come with time is trusting I can't do it now. By this I mean things like hike, run, ride horses. I still fear these things some days. It's like for years and years I've avoided these things so now I find I'm still avoiding. Then when I do it, I'm amazed and surprised still. Time will heal these wounds I believe. Just keep moving and becoming stronger.

Home coming this weekend. My boy is going to his first high school dance in his new threads. Getting our hair cut today. I'll take a picture of my young sharp dressed man and share with you all.

So how am I doing? Fabulous, still learning, still growing, happy, excited...

but like Jenn says-
Happiness is contingent only on the moment.
At this moment, life is good.