7 weeks down...

I weighed this morning and I am down 2 pounds this week. That means the total for 7 weeks is 26 pounds. All my other liter mates are ahead of me in weight loss. I don't think I should be worrying and thinking about there number as it bothers me, this is not a race. I also have to find some way to be patient, and kind to myself. Each week for me is passing slowly, watching and waiting and wanting what I deserve NOW. I knew this would be a long year for me, probably the longest year of my life. At my meeting before surgery in Vegas I remember one lady sharing a story with us. She told us you plan and prepare for this surgery for months, your excited, you arrive and have surgery and after there is no orgasm as you just head home and wait. You come home with no baby, no surprise after all your hard work and planning. I am feeling that this week. Time is passing slowly and the pounds are dropping slowly too. I can't compare myself to others and there numbers. We are all different. I found myself looking at other peoples story's and seeing where they were at 6-8 weeks out. I have found many different numbers of weight loss. There is no rule. It seems the sicker your body is at the time of surgery the more you lose. My body is holding on to this as much as it can. I just hope my surgery wins and not my body. I am looking forward to starting exercise class again. I just want to lose some more pounds so I can do my job on concrete floor and life and not hurt. It is getting better. I will push my self soon to return to class, as I need to push rather than not. I am getting through life and my job with no pain killers which in it's self is GREAT. I was so afraid @ 50 (10 years from now) I would have to take Advil or pills to get through my day. That scared me looking at my future.

Thursday I had a strange day. I was hungry all day. Just felt like I ate a lot. So I started feeling guilty. Like I did something wrong. Old habits... I should be proud as there is Easter candy in the house and I have not eaten hardly any. I was just hungry all day Thursday. I ate several pop cycles trying to get rid of my sweet tooth that day. That was the worst thing I did that day. Was I bord and just thought I was hungry, or just having a day? I just need to look at that too. The things I have tried have settled in my tummy well, and have not found anything yet my body does not seem to like me taking in. We went to Arby's yesterday as we were in Eugene. I got a ham and swiss market fresh sandwich. I can take a bite or two of bread but can't eat the bread overall. Just makes me feel to full and does not feel good going down or later after the meal. I can only eat half as I eat the insides out of the sandwich. I wish I didn't feel hunger pangs. I really wish I was never hungry as it might not bother me as much. All this is just my head and the things we tell ourselves. But I am going to drive my self crazy waiting. Like life doesn't go on till I am 170 pounds. That's crazy. I will blog next week on what I'm eating as then I can look at that too on paper. Should I still count calories, fat?

What I ate yesterday:

• protein drink with soy milk and ice when I woke up.
• one granola bar in the car to Eugene. 90 calories.
• 1/2 of Arby's ham and swiss. Just picked the insides out of the sandwich and ate a bite or two of bread. One mozzarella stick. I picked most of the breading off the cheese stick.
• Missed my magic bullet and the drinks I make with ice, so I stopped and bought a small icee at 7 eleven and some peanuts. I looked the peanuts had 300 calories.
• 1/2 of can of soup for dinner
• one more protein drink in the evening hours with soy milk.

Of course I drank my Gatorade through out the day. Well that's it... That's my nag for today...