Let's update...

Blogger friends.... Who's out there and who is still watching, waiting and looking? I'm still here...life is pretty good these days. Man my life has been rough (to say the least) this past year. It could be worse and I could be divorced or unhealthy but I think we managed to fight, cry, yell, love and speak our minds to each other and can now get on with spending the rest of our lives together loving each other rather than be mad or angry at us. Very long story made short: D got hurt at work early last year. Took 5 months for insurance to decide he was not healing and approve a MRI and a surgeon. He had surgery and was off work for about a year. So now we were dealing with workman's comp crap, Dr's and no money and best of all no health insurance cause SAIF (workman's comp) does not pay for your company paid health insurance if you are hurt at work~you just lose it. Fucked deal and a suck deal but the law. So as D heals from surgery last year we starved to pay and keep health insurance and the power on. Let's just say it was rough. We started fighting more and loving less. This is my life partner, my love and I really do love this man and don't want to be without him. I don't want out... I want my husband and my family. Rough year, I think life got rough and clouded and we needed to connect again. We did......yes we yelled it out and almost divorced it out. Life is better today! I feel stronger with him by myside and happy I have a man who loves me and us as much as I do. D is back to work and not pain free but free from SAIF and there bull. Just as long as he is better~I'm better. 2010=rough year!

I've got a senior now. Wow... how did that happen? I'm getting wrinkles I hate it! How did I end up with a 17 year old so fast. Jon is still working at the Aquarium as a youth volunteer. This is his 4th year there and he has put in over 300 hours in over the years. J is planning on going into marine science when he graduates next year. The college here has a great program with/through the aquarium for marine biology. And I hear they place you after 2 years of college if you want to work there. :) I knew years ago when I got him into working at the aquarium this might just work out to be something great for him as he loved it so. So yup senior year and last one to go. Jon has got a girl friend for 6 months now. I like her, the family and they seem to dig each other. Only one problem... he'll be 18 soon and she won't. :( I can't find one reason to not like her or her family but lordy I sure hope we don't have to deal with that age thing. This could send life into something bad. Jon just got his first PAYING job yesterday! Oh yeah! Excited! They did a drug test yesterday along with a background check and he's in. This boy needs his first job rather than arguing with us with work we give him here on our farm. He needs the real world! Time to grow up! So I am way excited for him.

Let's see... Otherwise it's time for me to find something else to do besides being a mom. My boy is grown and now I'm not labeled a MOM but a loser as I'm not working the farmers markets this year and having a bit of trouble finding work.

Weight loss surgery update. Life is good there. I am having no trouble maintaining my weight as long as I stick to eating well. And I have that down with no trouble. I think the 10 years before I had surgery did my mind good. As for everyday eating I eat well and don't say YES to crap to often or at least not much crap. I starved and exercised my ass off trying to lose weight for many, many years before I had surgery in 2007. So now I am so used to eating bland, blah and lean that It's just OK with me to eat that way now. Still almost 5 years later i can not even finish a happy meal and I'm good for about 15 bites or so. Each day is different still. Today I weighed in at 148~ four in a half years later. My lowest I ever saw for one sec was 144. So I am thrilled with myself.

Yeah... so say HI... Still updating here with my weigh always. Keeps me accountable and looking at it.

Till next time...... PEACE OUT

She Rode!

Yup... i rode a horse. Got on and it felt great! I'm telling you... "it's the little things in life you get back after WLS that make this journey great"! I was a little nervous as it was way higher that I imagined. But he was a good horse and after a few minutes I felt a lot better. I did it! And loved it!

Ride

4 1/2 years post op. Life is good!

In my first year after surgery I wrote this list out of things I stood aside and never did in my life. It's the little things in my life I wanted back and or do after I lost the weight. So I made a list of things I'd like to do or try now that I live in a smaller body & can do things I want to do now. Well one of those things on my list was to get on and ride a horse. I've always been to heavy to lift myself up on to a horse so I've never done it. This Saturday I am riding a horse. Yippee

Pictures to follow. And this week I bought my first dress too. It's a sun dress and I love it. Like I said pictures to follow soon. To lift my ass up onto a horse will be a great feeling. It's the little things you get back that makes this journey worth every moment.

Maybe I should ride the horse in my new dress. LOL Two dreams in one. Silly Girl!

:) Giddy Up!

4 years post op BABY!

Wow... has life changed over the last 4 years. It's been awhile since I last blogged. This past year around our house has been rough one. But no one ever said life was easy. Just thought I'd do a update and share where I'm at in my journey and my life. Things have mellowed out some and life is looking a bit brighter around the Lee house.

I once reached 348 pounds. I spent my life feeling the many pains of being obese. I've never known anything other than being the fat girl. I think for this reason I feel like I will be letting myself down if I regain and get heavy after WLS. I got what I prayed for and paid for. It's up to me now. I will never or could never forget how it feels to be obese. It controlled my life in many, many ways.

Surgery weight in Feb. 2007~294. My lowest weight I ever saw after surgery was 145 for a sec. or two. Today I weigh 152.0! I am maintaining and have for almost 3 years. I stay between 150-155 and it's pretty easy with the foods I'm choosing to eat. One thing that I hear in my mind daily is "I ate what I wanted to for years and look where that got me". So now I eat what I have to so I can maintain what has been given to me. I don't eat what I want... I now eat what I have too. No big deal. I have found many things that are healthy that I love. So what if I have to pick the garden burger or eat salad rather than the cheeseburger. I don't feel deprived this time around, I just feel great. Yes, I splurge from time to time but just time to time. I have learned for me I have to say the words "no thanks" alot more these days if I want to maintain. There is no doubt in my mind I could regain 20+ pounds if I ate ice cream, bread and fatty foods. So for that reason I pay attention to the scale and the foods I eat daily. One might call it obsessive but I don't see it that way. How does a girl get to be 350 pounds? She looks away (far away) for many years. She lies to her self and eats out of pain and just get heavier and heavier with time. So now rather than look away and lie to myself, I stare straight forward and am honest with myself these days. I've grown and learned. :) I don't want to be that girl anymore. For the most part I count calories, eat lots of egg whites, lettuce, cottage cheese, chicken, lean ground beef, yogurt, whey protein and pretty much stay away from breads and sugar. I eat most of my sandwiches open faced and tear off the bread and fill my stomach with something else. I have found that when I eat sugar, I crave sugar. So if I don't eat it I don't crave it as badly. I spend what seems like a fortune on protein bars, whey protein and vitamins these days, but on the other hand I don't spend money at McDonald's, Burger King or other fast food. Since I still do crave stuff from time to time I always keep my "safe" foods here on hand. There are candy bars in the house as I have a 17 year old but I keep them out of sight and that helps me. But if they are out on the counter I still think about them and want them. Candy makes your butt big... so I keep apples, protein bars, yogurt and yogurt pretzels, soy milk, and other yummy stuff here. I don't know... I just get it. It clicked this time... I got what I paid for and there is no friggin' way I'm going back or being that same girl again. If I find myself in my old habits I am honest with myself and think really hard what it was like in my past & how it felt to be obese, and it stops me every time. I got my chance and no one is going to take it from me, not even myself. If I go up a pound or three I get right back on salads and protein. There would be one sad Susy if I blew this and gained back weight. It's up to me now... not the surgery. The past few years my stomach does not of seemed to expanded or stretched. When I think of what I could consume 2 years ago, it's about the same amount today. So I am thankful for getting the MGB rather than the RNY. The side of the stomach my Dr. staples is the side of the stomach that does not stretch and expand the same as the other side of the stomach. Really everything is fine and good. I still crash from time to time. I really have to watch how much sugar and carbs I put into my body or I'll get the shakes and sometimes get sick. Never can I have sugar in the mornings. It's after I've ate a few meals and at night I can get away with ice cream or things like that with tons of sugar.

I'm just out living life... watching my boy grow into a man, loving my hubby & trying to pay the bills along the way.

So time for a picture update for you all. And check out how big my boy is getting. Time fly's when your having fun! Added one of me and my honey too.

Peace out and I hope your life is treating you good. I'll keep this blog open probably forever and update it every so often. I do update my weight totals here a few times a month, and below is a list of my weight every month since I had WLS.

=) Take care of you and be happy!

2011

3 years 6 months later...

Ok...time for a update on how things are going for me now.

Greatttttttt! No problems post op, everything works fine, and I am happy.

Where am I today and where did I end up after 3 and 1/2 years later.
weight~was 294/now 156
pants~was size 24/now size 8
shirts~was size 2x/now size S and i can even wear petite S. :)
The boobs have left and are gone. LOL was 44D/now 32B ~which is hard to find!

3 plus years later I fight to maintain. I am winning the fight. My lowest weight was 145 for a second or two. I maintained 148 for the longest time and almost 4 years post op my weight today is 155. I watch, eat right and do what I have to do to stay right around 155ish. Do you know anyone thin that doesn't watch, workout or eat healthy..."neither do i, so I do what I have to do". A small gain is ok with me but I will not put myself in the pain I was in by gaining again. So if I gain a pound or two I get right back to doing what I know is right and makes me feel good. Don't think I don't over do or eat crap because I do. Just not everyday or no doubt I could gain 20 pounds I'm sure of it. I can eat about 1/2 of what I used to now and my body is now used to my bypass. Most days I eat egg whites, salads, little bread and make the right choice rather than maybe eat what I want to at that moment. It's a choice and it's only up to me now. I feel great weighing 155 and I won't let that go. I've never known anything different than being fat, heavy, sad and I've had enough to last a lifetime. So to me "nothing tastes as good as thin feels". And daily I tell myself that to get through carvings or old habits. One thing I have learned as time passes is they staple your stomach, bypass your intestines and the head games, your thoughts and your habits all stay the same. You don't just wake up one day thin and happy and everything is A~OK. Well not in my world anyway. So I promised myself I would not look away and tell myself lies and become heavy again. Stay honest and true to myself for once in my life.

And that's how I'm doing today.

Here is a few pics taken in the past few months.

PEACE OUT!

BE HAPPY!

GASTRIC BYPASS - RNY - WLS : FOOD, FOOD, FOOD

She speaks the truth!

I think Tauna just said what we all think and have felt if you have ever used food as your friend, comfort, or whatever. I've often blogged and been honest about how I wish my gastric bypass Dr could of some how bypassed my head too. So how now that I'm 3 + years out how do I deal with the head games, food issues, hunger, being able to eat more, using food to cope...all of it. I have caught myself eating and wanting to turn to comfort food the past 3 years at times. Stress happens! And my head says "go to McD". Even today. They staple your stomach, bypass your intestines and everything you ever felt or tried not to feel or admit is exactly the same. The feelings don't just disappear because you got thin. For me I feel it's embedded in my mind. I talk myself through a lot. I just am saying nice words now, but not always. My best friend has taught and talked to me a lot about food and issues all being in your head. It's how you think about it she tells me over and over. She feels I obsess over it far to much even now. I think I've taken what I "used" to do and in a different way and I still obsess over it to this day somewhat. I'm telling you... I have to have what I call my "safety" foods around me and in my fridge. Even on a car ride I bring my apples, cheese or a protein bar. I know I either get hungry on the road and can't make a good choice at 7 eleven or I will get shaky and have to eat a protein bar to come out of the low blood sugar and shakes. Those happen when I've eaten to many carb with little protein and/or too much sugar. I crash, get the shakes and if I don't eat I will hit the floor. I did that once, now I know better. I do feel it coming on and I now take care of it. The right food brings me out of the sweaty, shaky feeling every time. So far I've never hit the ground twice. Something I live with after gastric bypass. So... if Susy does not have her "safety" foods around I kind of really need to get to the store. I keep things like yogurt, whey protein, bananas, cottage cheese, salad, eggs here or I do feel panicky. Make sense to any of you??? So far I've never allowed myself since the day of surgery to have a big mac. Why? Because I love them. Maybe it's a head game I'm playing with myself. I think "what if it doesn't make me sick", then I'll want another. Which I already know a big mac would be way to much bread for me to eat. I can't finish a kids meal still today most of the time. Every day is different how much much food I can consume and eat. I rarely eat hamburgers out or fat fast food. If we do go out it's always a garden burger, salad, or usually a good choice and always dry toast and egg whites. I do a times and have ordered a real burger from Carl Jr once so far and it was the best frickin burger I tasted after not having one for a long time. I made it special and it was fun. I'll do it again sometime. Do I want another instead of that garden burger or chicken... YES... but if I do I will not maintain this 155 weight that I have been able to do for 2 years or so. If I eat what I want I will gain~period. No doubt in my mind. I'm fighting to hang at 155. Egg whites daily, yogurt, cheese, and thinking about my food intake all the time. Throwing away bread off a sandwich to thinking about calories to saying "no thanks" a good part of the time. Truly... it's up to me now if I want to maintain. I've seen to many times with bypass patients gaining weight, some gain more than others. Which is ok. We don't weigh 250, 300 or even 350 like I was once a long time ago. We are still healthier beings. That's not what I want for myself. I don't have to be a skinny or really thin girl to be happy. Small gain=OK, big gain= out of control. I'm being honest with myself these days. I can't be the fat girl my whole life to get thin, to get fat again. I won't have it. Depression is what I would feel... I just know it. I am ok with my 10-12 pound gain from my lowest weight. My lowest weight I ever saw was 145. I've hovered around 149-152 for a long time. Now I'm seeing 154-156. I'm maintaining all because I'm eating and making good choices more time's than not I guess. With the how I cook, to meats I buy, what I order and what I put into my mouth and how often. If I don't think about it I'm sure I won't stay in the 150's. For myself, I do not want to be the girl that eat the Easter candy, the ice cream or whatever and has to replace it cause she ate it. Sneaky... I hate it and hate that I used to do that. She gone. No more will I eat my kids candy, sneak food or whatever. I don't like her and so far I've stayed true to myself. I do just put the candy out of site and it does not haunt me as bad if it's not in my face. There is shit food in my house, but I keep it out of sight and that is easier for me. So I stayed strict, it's working for me today and has for 3 years. My family no longer has to ask "where did the cupcakes go"? So I buy South Beach protein bars, whey protein, yogurt, fruit, all sorts of stuff that when I do eat, I eat pretty good and low in calories. Because I still get hungry at night, still snack to much sometimes but then it's on things like I've mentioned. I eat that cause it has 100 calories or that protein bar is good and only has 190 calories. Still want the cookie but I can't have the cookie without the big butt. Even if it's fake chocolate, it's good. I've found some stuff I like, works for me and so far I'm going with it. It feels too good to be thin and really nothing tastes as good. Too me. If I think I've eaten to much or snacked a bit to much that day I STOP and really think about what it was like to be "trapped" in that body most of my life. I feel kind of sick to my stomach and all stop eating. It really is a mind thing and of course keeping your body moving any way you can. Do you know anyone skinny that really doesn't work @ it, thinks about it? Yeah there's a few out there that can eat what they want and stay thin but not most. It's a job, just like marriage. Like I said "my friend thinks I think, weigh and count to much". But I think I looked away, ate what I wanted for 38 years and look where that got me. I was hurting inside, standing aside and pushed aside for years all because of my weight in some matter. To the things I did or didn't get to do, in all parts of my life. I stood aside too long. I wish I would of done it sooner. Now my body is worn and kind of tired. Carried a lot of extra weight around for a long, long time. I have back and hip problems even today after getting thin. It in a sense was a little to late on my joints and muscles. On the other hand it has made me who I am today. I could be feeling this muscle/back/hip pain 150 pounds heavier. It could be much worse. I'm more free to move now. I'm still the same on the inside, just different on the outside, but it made a hell of a difference in how I see the world. I'm still the fat girl in my head. I still don't like to be noticed or stared down by men. That's just who I am. I like my hubby to do it, but the fat girl in me often does not believe him. But I'm way better than I used to be as he has talked me through it. He loved me phat... he loves me now, I do know that. I dunno... still obsessive? I gotta take care of me and I have to eat. So I keep many things around for me and my healthy ways that I love and that are ok to have. My hubby says' all the time "it was cheaper when you were fat". LOL supplements, vitamins, whey protein, protein bars... still kind all about the food huh? I try to think about it the "healthy" way. Doing the best I can do, and saying NO more often to bad choices. Just trying to survive and stay thin damn it! LOL So if I'm right or wrong this is how I'm doing it and trying to staying focused. If I eat crap food I want more, it's just easier for me not to have it a lot of the time and I don't crave it as bad daily. Because the "honeymoon" of weight loss surgery is over but I'm not done. Trying to make myself proud. One meal at a time!

Feb. 21 is my 2nd birthday

Today is the day I take and post photos and such. Same day each year with a update and a look back. I recognize this girl less and less as time passes. Today is my 2nd birthday because today is 3 years since my life changed and I had weight loss surgery. I'd do it again and it's been a great ride. First year was a piece of cake, year two and three I work at it to stay in the 150's. But do you know anyone who maintains there weight and is skinny with or without surgery looks at what they are putting into there mouth each meal. They work at it, they move there ass and take pride in what they want. And that is what I have to do. It takes work even now, it is not easy but I want it that bad. I really believe "nothing tastes as good as thin feels". I remind myself of that often. Food is about the moment when your sad, when your happy, when your celebrating, it's everywhere~ and it has been work, but good. There is no doubt I could put on more weight. I'm eating more regular sized meals now and my body is more tolerable to foods. If I eat the crap or eat too much I gain. I ate what I wanted to for 40 years and look where that got me~fat! So I'm ok with making good choices for the rest of my life now. But ya, I'm battling a small gain now. Not much of one but I'm looking at what I'm eating and such as right now it's 3-4 pounds and I don't want that to turn into 10-15 pounds. I promised myself I would never look away again. I didn't weigh all those years when I was heading to 350. I guess I ignored so I'm trying to learn from past mistakes and understand and be honest. The drier is not shrinking my pants when they get tight~"your gaining". No more lies, no more sneeking, no more letting yourself down. The reason for my small gain this month is I had a back injury for the past 8 weeks and spent a good part of Jan. asleep and down with a lot of pain. It was life crippling and hurt very much. I got through without meds and that was hard being a bypass patient those days, but I did it and feeling better and back to walking and moving. To me it would be depressing to gain weight that I knew I did cause I am eating shit I don't need and not eating in moderation. I don't want to be depressed and I know if I let myself down I would be sad, very sad. I don't expect perfection but I expect to be honest with myself which makes me feel in control and good about myself. Moderation is the key and I remind myself of that all the time. Sure I want the whole egg, the mayo, the hamburger but not if it's going to make me gain and become sad again. I can have those things once in awhile, just not daily. So I eat like I'm on a diet for the most part, eat pretty healthy, skip the sweets and most of all keep them out of my sight. I've learned just because they staple your stomach and bypass you intestines you head stays the same. You have things to deal with, habits to concor and negative thoughts to learn to push out of your head. Your still addicted to food and have to learn new ways. And that I think I have succeeded in that and I work on each and everyday. Making me a better & a happier person. I did not pay $money and have my stomach stapled to go back to my old habits and let myself down. That would be depressing. Am I doing the best I can do? Am I enjoying life? Am I being authentic to myself? Am I really hungry? I have grown a lot over the past 3 years. Still the same on the inside but the outside has changed but some of the inside changed too. I've learned to like myself, I don't cry anymore, I'm proud of me and that feels freeing as much as losing the weight did. One of the best parts is it's not me stopping us from moving/hiking and doing cause she too fat and can't do that. It was so sad in my past life to stand aside and watch and not do things because of my weight. It has never been any different for me and I smile much more now. This year for vacation we went to Lake Tahoe NV. We hiked, we walked, we shopped and believe me there were things we did on that vacation that we would of never done because mom couldn't. I would of never made it to 10,000 feet hiking and I would of missed those chipmunks at the bottom of that one mile hike down to the Vikingsholm castle because I could not of done it. A life of standing aside compared to today I can not even put into words. ☮FREEING♥! I am thankful for the "little" things I got in my life with losing 150 pounds. So I try to stay focused on that and I'm happy and living my little life. So keep watching cause I'm going to show you I can do this, I'm doing this and life is good!















Feb. 21st 2007~ 294
Feb. 21st 2008~ 169
Feb. 21st 2009~ 150
Feb. 21st 2010~ 154
I've maintained in the 150 range for 2 years now. :) Happy, happy, joy, joy!


Take care of you!

Below are some photos taken the other day of me. :) I'm lovin' it!

3 years post~op!

Photo update

Just a photo update from me. Weight is the same. 151 today. I bounce from 149 to 153 and really have no trouble maintaining if I eat healthy. The lowest weight I ever saw on the scale was 145. It's almost been 3 years since WLS for me and I've been maintaining my weight for 2 year since my lowest weight. I eat well and do what I have to do to maintain. I will not go back! Scale goes up~I eat salad and get right back on track.

Merry Christmas blogger friends.

I'm still blogging from time to time. My new blog is here if you want to follow me in the future. Otherwise life is good and I feel great!